Big Girl

Jack and I just had a huge fight, over who we are, who we will become, and mostly A levels and further studies.

I can't help it if everything that I planned has us in it, that's because that's how I want my future to be, you and I, both. Don't blame me for weighing so much on US instead of myself, because every time I count my blessings, I count you twice. And because if my future doesn't have US, then why am I fighting so hard and holding on so tight onto us now?

The man I fell in love with isn't who he is anymore, and he's making me feel like I don't know how to continue wanting him. He's always wanting me to be independent, yes of course I can be independent, I have always been until I met him, I chose not to. Because sometimes, it just feels good to have someone to depend on, you know.

So stop asking me to go over myself first, stop asking me to do things on my own. Because I want to do it with you, because then everything feels right, and apt.

So he left me alone, crying on my bed, like always. And I'd used to pretend to think that he didn't go, that he'll walk back into my room and give me a hug and wipe my tears. But after so long, I've stopped hallucinating. I've stopped believing in the better man I thought he was. So I'm ranting, and tearing, like a crazy, childish girl and I'll feel better in a while so that I can start, although very reluctantly, to be independent once more. It's not gonna feel very right anymore, and I'm gonna need to get use to it. Things are gonna change.

I hate hospitals

So i had this maddest fever in my entire 20 years of life yesterday. It was sudden. It was unexpected. And thank god Jack stayed by my side all the while.

After history lesson yesterday I felt like i was dying cos I was feeling really warm so Jack accompanied me home and put me to bed, watched me sleep until my mom came back. At about 7pm, I was burning like an inferno. So my mom and Jack took me to the clinic at the central, and that doctor took my temperature and referred me to SGH. Useless doctor, did nothing at all. Had the feeling like he's bloody afraid to touch me lest he gets infected with my deadly disease. Noob shit. So we cabbed to SGH, and the whole journey there I was praying so damn hard that I won't get any injections, and I cried like a motherfucking baby. I have perceived trypanophobia, and I'd like to keep believing so. So when the nurse did some weird stuff on me, taking my blood pressure, I swear I thought there was a needle so I retracted my hand so fast, she thought it came alive.

There after the nurse did some weird ACT thing on me, I couldn't stop crying because I thought it involved needles and it was gonna be painful like fuck, she had to keep telling me it's painless, like about 100000 times, and I still didn't believe her. So, she told me not to move, and I listened to her, I didn't move no inch. And true enough, it didn't hurt a single bit, just felt like there were mild electric currents running through me.

Then I had to wait like forever, and my head's burning and it's heavy and painful, i rested on Jack's shoulder and fell in and out of sleep. So when the doctor called to see him, I went inside and I declared that I refuse anything that involves needles. He said it wasn't really going to hurt, then I told him that everybody's threshold of pain is different, then he had this WOWED face. Fuck you, I'm 20 years old. And I'm not Ris Low. Of course I knew that, dumb face. So he respected my decision, aye, he's actually very nice.

Okay, so he said that there are 3 reasons for fevers like these. The lungs, the blood and the urine. He said it shouldn't be the lungs because I can breathe and talk properly, so he figured that it's the urine or blood. And since I refused to be poked, he asked me to take the urine test. And it being my first time doing the urine test, I filled the 3/4 of the cup, and when I came out, stupid annoying fuckface Jack was laughing at me. He said they only need a SAMPLE, which is like 1/4 the cup. So I said, my pee just came out because I needed to pee damn urgently, so i filled the cup anyways, don't waste my pee. ROFLMAO.

They tested my urine to be clean, so it's my fucking blood. ):

The doctor asked me to look out for any signs of rashes on the 4th day, because if it appears, I'll need to take a blood test. So now, my whole body is itching like a bitch and I'm refusing to scratch it at all. I'm taking the pills like a good girl despite having all the difficulties in the world swallowing it because if I don't I'd have to take the blood test.

Doc said it's most prolly viral fever, but it could be dengey, however you spell it. Okay bye.

P.S: I'm so damn bloody hungry, and Jack's not even here yet. ):

I'm so proud of myself, because I made this up.

I hate Albert Tan.

He thinks he's the smartest fuck, and he's self-absorbed and proud. He pretends to know you like you've been friends with him for like ever. He's so superficial and fake, more a hypocrite than an acquaintance. He can go to hell and suck Satan's cock for all I care, just stay away from my boyfriend. Bloody annoying and irritating. He prolly already noticed how hostile I am to him, but he still pretends like I like him, and treats him like a friend, the way Jack does.

I fucking swear, if you talk to him again, or meet him, I'm gonna be fucking annoyed, I'll refuse to talk to you or see you for as long as I remember you spoke  or saw him. Because it annoys me this much, really. Fuck off.

So, read this, and remember it, really badly.

So that's end.

So that was Grad Tea, the rest are on Facebook.

There are 195 photos, have fun looking. (:

Saving Grace

"I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best."

–Marilyn Monroe

Trips to Starbucks makes me happy.

The Craziest Thing Today

I walked down Orchard Road barefooted.

Killer heels, kills my feet.

How about a Chuck Bass or an Edward Cullen in my life, please?

Song of my day.

I'm so in love with this song right now, it's like playing in my head every second. Amy Belle is hot and her voice is awesome. (:

It's not my decision to make.

He's officially lost my respect.

Please don't ask me what you should do.

Please don't cry in front of me cos I don't know what to do.

Please just let me mug and be over and done with it.

Please just talk to somebody who can help, I beg of you.

Please make your own decision, it's not my place.

Because if you ask me,

I don't give a fuck about him.

Because if I were to make the decision,

I would emancipate myself if I could.

Because if I had a choice,

I would like to feel nothing.

And because, this person whom I really care about misses his father so god, damn, much, I feel very disappointed, utterly ashamed and extremely disgruntled with mine.

And I cannot help but to cry,

and I don't even know why.

God watches over babies.

If I hadn't read the title of this video I would have thought the baby died.

W.T.F. Really.

Make love, not war.

When I saw this little girl, holding on to daddy's hand so tightly, the whole gut-wrenching feeling just gushed through me. I never thought the whole war thing would have an impact on me other than the fact that I have to study it and people die because of it. I never would have felt so heart-wrenching until I saw this picture, and indeed, a picture speaks a thousand words. ):

I just made my Twitter gadget really huge, with 10 updates, so that people like you would notice it and join Twitter and we can tweet together.

God's work? I'm sure.

Why would anyone be so horrible to even have the thought of kidnapping a 70 odd years old, sickly priest? I'm sure these Islamic militants will burn in hell, Allah will be very disappointed in their actions because I'm sure as hell that Allah didn't ask them to kidnap a 70 odd years old sickly man. What is wrong with these people?

Ships Ahoy!

Last Sunday, Jack and I went to Vivocity with my parents, brother and his girlfriend. We had lunch and then we came across this cool ass dope shit International Book Fair, ON A SHIP. Okay, so we queued to go onboard the ship because we're in Singapore, we have to queue no matter what. So the ship's crew were all caucasians and they actually, really have books on board. Cool or what? And because on days as interesting as this, I had to forget to bring my camera. So photos are artificially made nicer as I used my noob shit phone camera to snap all these. Okay, now look:

Okay Bye.

He doesn't give a F.

So this is dinner today. 20 units of hotdogs with lotsa chili and mayo. Please blame Jack, thanks.

The above is what I've done to remind myself of this important last lap when I'm mugging so as to prevent myself from giving in to the comfort of my bed and air conditioner. So far, it's been working fine. I hope it's a quick one, it's really taking a toil on me. ):

Dugong

As you can see, Dugong is still alive and very much round. He is now 10 weeks old, and will reach maturity in about 2 more weeks. He's sucha cutey. Of course, more pictures over at his space. Ta!

My 10 years old.

Hello, this is my cousin, Joelle.

She's all grown up now, but I still love her all the same. (:

Across The Border

Some time ago, Jack and I went across the border to do some walking and shopping and eating. Naturally, we walked, shopped and ate. (:

I have to admit that dinner was a blast, all that for SGD$20+? (: Bye.