you, the love of my life.

common test is next week.
mugging starts today.



i hope.

sarang heyo jack(:

lips of an angel

today is supposed to be a very happy day, but then things just have to happen to spoil it.

-i've got a forgetful boyfriend
-i've got a jealous heart
-i get pissed like abc
-my heart is oh so soft
-i feel threatened tho i know it will not happen
-im always the fucking tenderloving gf who make her bfs cry
-imma loser girlfriend

but im quite thankful for friends God sent. they talk to me, they comfort me, they set my heart at ease. and i know i can count on them whenever i need them. i love my friends! =D

sometimes, my jealous heart takes control. and i cannot do anything, because my heart is very dominant when its jealous. and i become very withdrawn. sighs, it's hard for the heart and the mind to really co-exist in harmony.

you know, i have a very soft heart. and if you keep probing about the past with honey words and all, you'll make me flutter cos i'll end up in a dilemma. which will often spoil everything that i have. and then i'll get scared because i am very happy with what i have now, and i dont wanna change things. or rather i dont want things to change at all.

now i dont know what to do. i always end up pissed, cos of what happened. and then jack'll always be the one receiving all my shits. i feel pain, yet i cannot refrain myself from venting it on him. and i always make my honey cry. i feel like a bloody loser luh.

i dont like this jealous heart. not at all.
or maybe its just me luh har, cos i survive better on my own.

happy day my ass luh. fucking emo luh. so emo i could cry myself to bed.



LOOK, its not our fault she dont wanna sit with us or talk to us or things are simply not the same anymore okay. stop accusing us luh huh. get your facts right before you judge okay. you dont piss me off like cos you want to luh. such a bitch luh you. you spoilt my day today. thanks arh.

this is just so absurd luh. i get so pissed i could cry out loud okay.. =(

Happy 5th Love Anniversary Baby(:

Hi, Meet My Death Note Boyfriend.


Jack is a good boy. And he doesn't
like that woman in the background.


Jack + Jack = Nic's Honey.


We can do stupid-er stuffs in class. Honest!


i cannot do without you baby.

You know, i love you so much that when i look at you, i see happiness and i feel contented. Contented to be with you no matter what. ((:

Bs and Ms

i really am appreciative of you. you've saved my life time and again. you've save my ears, from going deaf. you were always there when i needed you desperately. i come into me and i feel at ease. I'll never imagine life without you, or at least when I'm on the bus with two categories of people thank you - EARPHONE.

the first category which i shall name them B blast techno so loud on public buses, thinking that their daddy owns the SBS Transit company thing. even if so, they should not blast unproductive noises. techno is a disgrace to music. it literally tarnishes the good name of music. how, can anyone call that mass of noise music?! it is simply so absurdly immoral. it is not ethical at all. techno practically kills brain cells and ear drums. urgh. totally disgusted.

techno is retarded. techno is noise. i hate techno. totally.

The second, which i shall name M keep up with the trend and listen to pop songs. no i don't say that's wrong. but, they think that bus = kbox. chicken mac nugget. and its not like they have the voices of Taufik or hardy. they have noise as voices. totally disgracing pop songs by just singing along out loud on buses.

so tell me, if B's daddy owns SBS Transit already,
how can the M's daddy own SBS Transit too?

see how much i appreciate my earphone?

okay thoughts voiced.
comments to be added.

old school but real.

All 4 One - I Swear:

I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
and I swear like the shadow that's by your side

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my part
Cause I stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

Chorus
And I swear by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the wall
And when just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
Cause as the time turns the page
My love won't age at all

And I swear by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

And I swear by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse
Till death do us part I'll love you
With every single beat of my heart
I swear I swear I swear

Lackadaisicalness.

it's been forever since jack and i
last caught a movie together.
so we decided to watch one. finally.
then i realised Nicole's still young and
innocent and naive and pure, bullshit.
she cannot watch most of the shows.
cos it was all rated M18 and above.
either that or the other shows are too late.
so obviously we're left with limited choices.
The Illusionist. yeah okay. we bought tickets.

Dilatoriness is addictive and it can ruin me us.
okay. procrastination is so overwhelming me.
i so desperately wanna get my stuffs done,
but i wanna linger just for a while. a while will do.

and it just so happens that the boyfriend came
and tell me that he feels lethargic. no no, no no.
this cannot do. no more procrastination honey.
common test is seven days away you know.
and I've like forgotten almost everything.

okay I'm done blogging. bahbye.

otioseness:-
o·ti·ose·ness, noun
1. being at leisure; idle; indolent.
2. ineffective or futile.
3. superfluous or useless.

/edited:-
# I'm MIA at church. like totally can.
# daddy mummy's discussing about shifting house.
# daddy said he'll bring us to Korea in March.
# work's piling up cos I'm lazy and procrastinating.
# school's tiring. and extremely boring please.
# i appear very busy but I'm idling around.
/ends edit.

i like touchy-feely. (:

two hearts beating just like one

so i skipped school on Thursday.
call police arrest me lah. lmao.

friday's boring. so was volley.
completely drained of life.
perhaps school's depleted of life.
---

know many things, relationships or friendships.
once they happen, it'll never be the same again.
be it good or bad, it'll never be the same again.
of course, many things happen for a reason.

lets say:
you fall in love, taking things to a higher level with this friend.
that's definitely a good thing ya.
or, you found a new friend and got closer.
that too is a good thing as well.

on the contrary,
you break up with this guy you loved.
that's obviously bad, it harms friendships.
or, misunderstandings and conflicts arise between friends.
the cost, of course is that bond we've shared.

this happens to almost everyone everyday.
it's just a matter of how well you handle it.
if you decide to let this awkward barrier exist,
it will be there, for as long as you live.
but if you decide that this friendship/relationship
Worth so much more than pride and ego.
then that barrier will disappear, of course,
there'll surely be some awkwardness still.

suddenly, it occur to me that relationships can be very fragile.
and sometimes, misunderstandings like these may be all
it takes to blow the bond we've cultivated for all this time.

oh wellls.

i'll hold you close, so you'll hear my heart beating. for you.

anguish feely.

all you who've been thru smiles and shits with me,
for all these long and arduous years of my life.

tell me, when have i put BRG before friendships?
tell me, when have i falsely accuse my friend before?
tell me, have i gotten pissed for no reason at all before?

know i think, i've always put friendships
before everything else. even myself.
everything has been about friends.

i've never met someone, who's so strong headed
and refuse to compromise even when i gave in.
tell me enqi, how many times have i gave in,
in circumstances where by i think im right?

even if i was selfish, it's always being selfish to myself.
even if i were to get pissed, it's only at myself.
see i dont understand why is this so hard to solve.
i've stepped back and gave in already you know.

i think, enqi you know me, and you know me best.
tmd i miss you lah. i miss hongkah. i miss huifen.
i miss the times when we're not as childish as
this dumb quarrel. so effing childish please. =/

we are only humans.

on the journey home, i've thought about stuffs.
stuffs that happened and i remembered what i've learnt.

no you cannot serve with a selfish heart.
and no you dont judge other people's faith in God.
because a selfish heart will have no room for God.
and because its my faith and only God need to know.

plus, i believe my faith is stronger than a 9.0 earthquake.
its so much stronger than iron in fire, and bonds that you and i share.

although i know that sometimes i also do make such mistakes,
because we are only human. and as humans,
we tend to forget thus the need for others to constantly remind ourselves.

sometimes you judge without realising it,
i do admit that im guilty of that too.
and times like these, are times we'd prolly try and deny.
because reality is harsh when it comes in words.
certain times when people speak of themselves,
they tend to boast about their achievements.
or perhaps demanding you to do something.
prolly they wouldnt think its offensive,
because that is what they think, not we ourselves.

and oh, we all are proud of our better halves.
this im very sure, because i am too proud of my boyfriend.
but boasting and being proud are actually quite different.
you boast because your better half do all that you've told.
you boast because your better half is pleasing you so well.
you boast because your better half always gives in to you.
i admit that i am definitely boasting about Jack constantly.
but i dont get proud or high and mighty cos Jack's my boyfriend.
humans should be a lot more humble than we already are.

i do have an unbearable temper if i choose not to contain it.
and by speaking very nicely when im pissed,
might probably be the greatest achievement i can attain.
because obviously i dont usually do nice.
and i can get really bitchy if i choose to be.
because, i practice forgive and forget, live and let live.
that atones for my bitchiness i suppose.

despite me taking so much effort to do nice,
some people just have to turn me nasty.
then thats when all the painful words start to hurl out.
and we'll both feel like shit because i was mean.
i was mean cos you didnt want me to be nice.

and i mean, com'on lah.
we're all grown young adults now,
not in the i-dont-friend-you era anymore.
why not just practice live and let live, forgive and forget ya?

oh, i dont accuse and i dont pin point.
i dont make a remark just for the sake of making it.
if you think you really are mature and all,
you'd probably wont get so worked up over nothing.
maybe you and i need to think twice over this matter.
after all it takes two hands to clap.

wait, i dont remember me being the root of this problem at all.
arh, ya its not even my fault. and so now it seems like its all my fault.

nevertheless, forgive and forget. live and let live. =)

ya huh.

when it's starting to restrict me, i get rebellious.

im not like any other girl.
just so you know.

The Times We Spent Together.

im really happy to have a retarded boyfriend.


altho sometimes, he really is retarded like whoa.


but im really glad this retarded is my boyfriend.


despite all the retarded times like this.


this is mandy. she is eating.


oooh, you no see wrong.


this thing is really Cynthia.


you know, Chu Cheng Mun.


my friend's retarded and my boyfriend's shy.


and the good old times returned.


yes like these good old times.




loong long one time now.


what's new?


okay so cyn said she wanna take more pics tmr.

I KNOW WHY.
cos she misses US. ho ho ho!

ernie loves rubber ducky

i typed and it was supposed to appear but it went missing so i dont think im going to type again. NO im not going to type again. balls lah, im tired. i typed alot lah. and it was like all sweet sweet words and reminising the past stuff. okay maybe i'll sum it up.



jacklovesnicole.

there, done. bahbye.

intensive agony

honestly speaking, heartbreaks are nasty.
speaking from experience, i'd prolly die
if another laborious were to find its way to me.

it can be so unbearable and arduous,
God-knows-how-many-of-litres-of-tears
were shed because of breakups.

it's so prickling, it almost made me doubt love.
it's so tyrannical and rancorous, it almost killed me.
it was calamitous. so wretched, i thought no one loved me.
i was like some kinda kid on an emo spree. seriously.

it would be good if yall break cos
your boyfriend was cheating on you.
or prolly yall decided that things arent working.
maybe even cos he doesnt love you anymore.

it would probably be more antagonizing if,
yall still had a thing for each other since forever
and you guys have absolutely no idea why you broke.
or the girl he ws with happens to be your bestest friend.

that could be the worst that can happen.
and nah da, it's no biggy. i've been thru those.

but, look at me.
imma very happy hahahaha girl now. =D
cos jack loves me.

Good 'Ole Days

Old Photo.
Old Primary School.
familiar faces.
unbearable voices.
worn out tables.
broken chairs.
noisy fans.
unfinished paintings.
vandalised lockers.
unseemly wall.

why dont i seem to despise these.
given the fact that everythings new now.

i prefer it torn and tattered.

against all odds.

we see each other everyday, but we've no time for each other.
maybe, he's got not time for me. he's a liar. school's reopened.
but he's still as busy as always. if not, busier than he already was.

hockey hockey hockey hockey hockey hockey hockey hockey.

my pet =)

cookie monster is my friend.

Dear Boyfriend,

i know i may not be the best, all my extreme mood swings, how i made you so sad and how much i've disappointed you. although im not flawless, although im not perfect, i want you to know. that i love you, so much. more than anyone could imagine. i'd show you my heart if i have to, to prove to you, my love is true. despite me prolly being the worst girlfriend anyone could possibly have, i dare say that you're the best i ever had. i couldnt ask for anything more than what you've given with all your heart. if there should be one day, you've found someone better. you'll have to be fair, and leave okay. because you surely deserve better than what you're having now. know, sometimes, after fights and all, i get so insecure because im so afraid that you've decided to walk a different path. that you've decided to leave my side, and walk alone. honestly, i dread that day's coming. so here and now, i promise you, my love forever more. i'll be your best girlfriend. i'll be your everything okay honey.

Love, Girlfriend.

not just a pretty face

call me paranoid. i dont care.
i was thinking of last week then i realised
jack and i have been arguing lots and lots.
over the smallest issue these few days.

and it made me realise that mmhmmm,
love is not just about pretty faces know.
love aint about hugs and kisses and all that stuffs.
it's about this mutual trust and self confidence.
all these redundant fights forced me to grow.

we argue and we solved fights.
and then i'll realised actually,
im always the one at fault yet i get angry.

jack and i get so afraid each time we quarrel,
we've decided not to argue anymore. =)

Too Good To Be True

school's hectic.
and i miss jack. like stinky socks.
i havent seen jack since yesterday lah.

oh oh oh,
i bought a cactus. solely on impulse.
and its currently sitting on jack's table.
i thought it was cute, until i saw more.
so i think im gonna get some more,
and they all will sit on jack's table =)

Jack's at hockey village now.
like a couple of bus stops away,
and i feel like going to see him.
cos i miss jack like moo moo cow.

oh my son's peanut butter milk,
my period just came. rraaarrrrr.
and it totally feels like menses.

i've decided to be a good girl,
and try and finish up all my homework.
before monday appears at my face.
no, it doesnt feel like the usual 06A1.
cos there's no cyn and sam around.

you prolly wouldnt realise how much i miss them.
cos yall got friends whom you think are friends.
while jack and i were eating at long johns' he said:
you, me, mandy, cyn and sam's the best.
i couldnt agree more. rarr.
do you know everything reminds me of cyn and sam.

you're my favourite person:)

mmhmm.

this is probably magic ((:

broken hearts, broken dreams.

He will take them all.
-
school's effing boring without cyn and sam.
i could sit and call cynthia's name the whole day.
and then wonder where's samantha's voice.
Jack would remind me of how cynthia's laughter sounds,
cyn laugh like HA HA HA, literally.
then i would go cynnnthiaaa =(
then we'll all go, what is this? can eat? i knew it lah.
and then we'll wonder where's sam.
Ms Gong would ask for volunteers,
and i would shout CYNTHIA! SAMANTHA!
then she would go, who's that? while the rest laughs.
and Melvin would reprimand me for reminding him
that cynthia's not with us anymore. =(
this is how bad school is now.
cccyyynnttthhiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
saaaaaaamaaaaaaanthaaaaaaa!!!
omson, i miss samanthia. so much.
cynthia cynthia cynthia cynthia cynthia.
sam sam sam sam sam sam sam sam.
aiya, balls lah. i weep and weep. =(
no more cynthia to laugh at horny statements anymore. =/
no more emo samantha and her voice anymore. =/

anyways.
Jack is hot. sizzling. =D

iloveyou many many (:

You're Probably My Miracle

#1 i hate black beans sprouting near me, they're so deafening.
#2 i hate school without people like cyn and sam.
#3 i hate math lesson cos it's effing boring.
#4 i hate hockey, cos jack's always so busy.
#5 i hate school cos its tiring.
#6 i hate the new timings cos i got no where to go after school.
#7 ah bengs cheat small girls by asking them to donate money.
#8 americans are TALL.
#9 TGIF
#10 jack keeps all the silly chocomint boxes that i doodled on.
#11 jack's the sweetest(:

we cant choose our families.

i tell you, honestly. school sucks.
so much. like a total bitch. i dont like school.
im begining to dread this year, a lot.
twenty o seven. balls lah.

familes.
dont even remind me.

im rushing hols homework like a retard.
jus cos i dont feel like doing any during the hols.
and my head and eyes are so ultra heavy.
my nose is running marathon on the new track.

danger!
easily agitated, back off.

superman saves the day

looky, i love fireworks(:


pretty foot


and the cousins cam whore


and again


and again.


hello, im shawn.


i can eat on my own.



and the baby destroys the picture


OHOH, this is ugly spaghetti


and the boyfriend cooked it <3


so this is what camera phones


are capable of doing


that's the retarded brother.


my oh so pretty xmas clothes


oh, this is brother.


and this is the curry i had


((: in case you're wondering why
the boy's shirt is striped, ask jack.


she's damn cute


but i dont know her


when i cannot finish my food


when shopping gets boring


omson, you wont believe it.
this tube dress cost $106.

im gonna get my brunchinner now.
okay bahbye.

ilovemyfattypieceofporkandlard(:

i love elmo. like looove love.

happy birthday nicky! (:

today was boring. like. so boring. sooooo boring. cos i woke up early and the whole day was soooooooo boring. okay anyway enough of the whole day is sooooooooo boring. it's SO boring today. seriously. like totally a bore. so, boring. lol.

2007.
i like the sound of it, but when i start processing it properly. it looks scary, it looks like it has a lot of commitments attached with it. it sounds pretty and good, but there's this long draggy echo. it depicts a lot of hardwork and stress and projects and school. it paints a strainous relationship at home. it shows uneven and bumpy roads ahead. it tells me a lot of love, support, understanding and patience from Jack. it foresees many new friends and happy us.

i love fireworks. so much. they're sooo pretty (:
hello hello all you friends of my darl. open your hearts and listen to me.
next year, my honey's mine on new year's eve. MINE. hahahaha.

know, people always set new year's resolutions but always fail at attempting to stay by it. so new year's resolutions dont cross my path, but but but, i do hope for me to be a lil studious. cos i need to be. and i do hope that things at home will get better and better as the year pass, so we'll be like before, in my memory happy and all together. of cos, i want Jack to do maths. least scrape pass midyears and all the tests. then ace A levels next year. i believe Jack can do it. (:
so i hope, and try to work hard enough to make all that i hoped come true.

despite nicole being so superultramega playful all the time, i believe, next year, will be a busy year ahead. with lots of studying and tutoring and all. i know i must, enough with all the monkey business already. lol.

i will study, provided that my emotions let me give my utmost. i will give my best, if my family stays as family. you know mummy, i do care and i do get affected with all that's happening. i do. really. mummy, you need to open your heart and let him in. you need to calm down and talk to him. i dont want a single parent family. i certainly dont. shitty tears. shoo.

it's 2007 with Jack(:
iloveyou like. so much. so much. like soooooooo much. iloveyou baby. <3>

i'll love and cherish you, i'll honour you and make you my pride and joy.