I feel myself aging.

Yes. I feel IM aging horribly fast. I have no idea why. feel like a part of me is missing. and things I wanna remember doesnt stay as long as I want them to. omg. is it because the 9th is coming soon? salvation might do me some good. that was so random. =D

I bet.. I bet.. that on that day. i'll wake up, finding tears rolling down the surface of my face. then i'll ponder why. and i'll come to realise that because of the things that hast made me so weary and confused. i'll come to realise that a part of me is lost. i'll begin to know that sweet things doesnt last as long as you want them to. i'll realise that we've become like this because I am selfish.

then again, when some things fail, its not just about me. its not just bout that one person. some times I really wonder if he hast time for me. if he really loves me.

but all these dont quite matter now, do they? =)



cos I know that after that night. things has really changed. we've become acquaintance. merely acquaintance. that isnt really bad, is it?

i have people coming to me and asking me why do i actually bother to try so hard to salvage us, why do i try so hard to let go, and where has the genuine smile gone to. nicole doesnt seem quite nicole. and all she does recently is to appear so tired. tired in the sense of.. well. not physically tired, but.. yar.. (:

all nic can say is that she really is tired. and sick of all those lies. and she tries her very best to make do with what she has. and not to ponder so much bout things that she knows deep down inside that will not happen. she's trying so hard to let go of what has actually hurt her so much. she's trying to not hang on to something she thought might eventually work out.










nic is very sorry. not that we're drifting apart. but nic really feels very shag after school almost everyday. nic wanted to spend a few days of my holidays to go out shopping and have fun with you guys but, i gotta study and stuffs to attend to. but you know what enqi, i still love you all the same. ((: friendships of two years plus wont just fall apart cos we've been seeing less of each other and not spending our time like before. friendship like yours and mine wont fall apart because of some guys. or girls. or some lil argues. and nic knows that enqi's feeling very sad and depressed. but nic wants enqi to know that nic's hotline is still open 24/7. =D

enqi dont be sad. in life there're alot of unexpected events that'll happen. but because we're smart people, we'll overcome it despite it being very disheartening or heartbreaking. nic's feeling very sad too. but nic still has that smile on her face, because nic knows that there're alot of people except him that cares for nic. and if nic removes that smile on her face, the people around her will be worried and concerned. nic knows that enqi is trying very hard too.

and if enqi hasnt already overcome that freaking heartbreak earlier in the year. nic wants enqi to know that we can both help each other. because nic has decided to let go of what she thought might eventually become a very prettiful relationship. because nic now knows not the importance of herself in him. like he doesnt understand me enough and despite me giving him his present, he's still very nonchalent towards us.


















anyways. enough of the not-so-happy things.

i think we're going to sentosa! on the 8th i think. kinda very not flow-ish. and smooth cos..

HSIANGLIN flying off on the 1st, coming back on the 8th. MARILYN flying off on the 8th, coming back on the 15th. CHARISSA leaving on the 10th, and i dont know when's she coming back. boo~ nic's leaving on the 19th. hohoho. do miss me. haha. cos i wont be back until erm.. 24 or 25th. tsktsk.

so i was intending the sentosa thing to be on the 8th. before marilyn's flight and after hsiainglin's touchdown. so saddening yah. sighs.



however, i havent exactly thought of where to go with enqi and huifen dear. HAHAHA. and mayb erm.. xh? =S
maybe on the 10th? hahas. and to erms.. i dont know! enqi if you read this, please think of where to go okay! hahas. as huifen olso. hahas. maybe go.. wild wild wet? GOOD IDEA. hahas. but i'll be going on the 11th with my uncle and darling joelle. =( but nevermind! hahas. i dont think i'll mind going twice. right? HAHA.



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hmm. i read mark's blog. and find that he isnt really very happy. what can i say.

hmm. he and gwen aint moving on. and haven been moving on since the very last time i spoke to him.

and he still holds something for me.. think bout me. talk bout me. -.-" according to leong mun fei! but..!! like whats the point. he didnt exactly cherish me when we were together, and now he wants so much for us to be together again. and like what they say. once bitten, twice shy. we broke so many times. i gave him so many chances. but, time and again, he played on me. i mean what does he want me to do? continue to stay by his side and let him hurt me more? of cos i didnt, which i was really glad i did not.

because if i did, i wouldnt have known how love really felt like.

all i can say to mark is that, you could give her more time, tho i know you gave her ALOT of time. but, if you really feel for her, then you shouldnt let her go. because love only comes once. and i know that so very well. people only cherish what they've lost. and that is the most heartbreaking fact. because i know so clearly how it can actually change my life.

anyways. you could accept her for who she is. maybe that is how she is. naive. love is about accepting all the weaknesses of the one you love. that is what love is about, isnt it?

or perhaps. when you have no other choice, you might wanna break up with her. and have some time to yourself, pondering bout what is it that you want in life. =)










omg. this is oh so long! HAHAs. oh wells. happy reading people.






























































you actually survived the long and boring post? HAHA. congrats! yay! well done!



















i was just bored. hahas. =D























birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.
birthday sucks.

ending

Ending
the love we thought would never stop
now cools like a congealing chop.
the kisses that were as hot as curry
are bird-pecks taken in a hurry.
the hands that held electric charges
now lie inert as four moored barges.
the feet that ran to meet a date
are running slow and running late.
the eyes that shone and seldom shut
are victims of a power shut.
the parts that then transmitted joy
are now reserved and cold and coy.
romance, expected once to stay
had left a note saying GONE AWAY.
-Gavin Ewart







it is true. yepps.

same day of the week.
same bus.
same bus stop.
same road.
same people.

but..

the spaces that were in between us.
the different sides of the road.
the different feeling.



we walked on different sides of the road.
we seemingly sat beside each other, but deep inside,
we're worlds apart.
we're so near, and yet so far.



the feeling was so different.
but, in me, there is this sense of relieve.
for myself and for him. (:


maybe it is time for some one else to experience the love i once had.
maybe it is time for me to be alone.
maybe it is time for me to think back and reminise.
maybe it is time for him to recieve more than he had gave.
maybe it is a time where God wants my time alone with Him.


but, i've definitely found my love.




the sunset maybe beautiful.
but it has seem to lose its beauty and magnificent because of you.

but then again,
the beauty of the sunset,
changes with the different people you admire it with.
because every person is special and different in their own ways.

even when the sun sets,
it will rise again.
but, it is ANOTHER day.
meaning different things might happen and the people around you might change too.



you know when the sun sets,
the world will turn into darkness.
the magnificient sight before the sun sets,
is God's way of telling nicole that God loves her.
and that darkness,
is something nicole has to learn to get use to.
because she believes that her world.
will stay that way for quite some time.
she doesnt know how to let others enter her life anymore.
she trusts not the people around her.


it is quite hard to retain what you've lost.
sometimes, i try my hardest to forget the things that upset nic.
but the harder i try, the deeper it seeps.
the things i never wanna remember never goes away.
the things i wanna remember never stays.
i wonder why is this so.

however, love stays.
because i want it to stay. ((:


and sometimes, its not just about me.
sometimes, it takes more than one person to make things happen.


he can ask me a question,
and i'll ponder bout it before giving my answer.
but i realise.
that my answers are actually quite redundant.
because, with or without my answers.
things never change.



so i reckon that to him,
nicole is quite redundant too.


i dont know.
the things that he has done and said,
has made nic very confused and weary.
nic doesnt know if she should trust him anymore.
but nic knows that love is so much greater than all of this.























inside, the heart that used to beat.
is now raining and cloudy.
she is feeling very miserable.
she tries so hard to be happy everyday.
she smiles like for 24/7.
but.





is it what she wants?



































nope. certainly not.

*grins-

sleeping at the basketballcourt IS nice. ((:

yepps it sure is. hahas.

yesterday kevin smsed me while i was doing my gp essay. lols. and he said.

im like stargazing now and it kinda reminded me of you.

tsk. so sweet isnt it? hahas. stargazing IS nice. (((:

mmhmm. yupps indeed. after gazing stars for two days, it is time to get serious and mug. lols.

i got LOADS of things to mug for man. omg.

history is a torture, but i still like history. wahahahas..
econs is ohkay... but still gotta mug hard.
gp is tmr. omg. *drops dead*
and the rest.. faints-*

ohkays. maths now. gotta gooooooooo...

her voice fades in hunger and desperation for slumber...

• nniiccoooollee-* ]] we'll look at stars all night long. ((: ☆

hmm. im back! lols.
duh. tsk.

it was a very nice camp. (((:
with the nice nice nice nice very nice rooms and facilities. wahahhas.
its like chalet lars. tsk.
when's my computer gonna be fixed? hais.
oh wells.

tskk.

i slept at the basketball court.
and i loved it.
i wonder why..
hmm. ((:
*ponders*