reminisine

what is love. love is knowing the person u love is happy and u feel contented.

sighs. overwhelming regrets. but then again. i have no rights to. (:

com'on girl. haha. get over it, fast. i know u can do it. (: u jus need time and someone to concern bout ya right. there're plenty of em round.

oh ya. and nicole nicole. i think u can enroll urself for acting already. u put up a very strong front. and he thot u were happy. hahaha! great i guess. haha. well, i thot he's nice. erms, HE IS. but den again. yay! i am happy. hahaha. madness. oh wells.

aye, stop pondering on this girl. he aint gonna come back for u. he didnt even try and make u stay in the first place. he thinks u dont love him at all. he thinks u are happy now and let u be. hahaha. funny how circumstances make fun of u ya.. sighs. wat has happened has happened. no point trying so hard to salvage it anyway. booo.

enqi's right. i've got plenty of other guys waiting to be my guy. why should i try so hard to recover a lost sheep. sighs. im super confused now. i dunnoe wat im feeling. guilt. regret. happy. sad. ya i guess. super heartbreaking can. i mean the way he treats me. not even a friend. wats the use of telling me we can stil be friends when he doesnt even treat me as one. i mean i am always there, i nvr left. its like the stars, u dont always see em' but u know they're there. always. but apparently, he doesnt seem to realise lar. its ok anyway, i did it on my own free will. (: its okay. really. haha. well. lien, im okay. yes, really. haha. dont bother bout me. haha. i keep repeating my mistakes. i dunnoe why either. haha.

perhaps im not ready to commit myself. or maybe i have no confidence in myself. it might also be because i've been hurt so deeply once that i dont trust anyone anymore. because the two closest to me lied to me, so i thot that no one else is trustworthy anymore. maybe its because i am not worthy.

i have always been thinking bout this, given my temper, my not so good looking looks, my super lazy self, my not so intelligent brain, my attitude, my very stubborn stubborness.

who in the world would love me so much that they'll do lil lil things to make me happy, go thru troubles to get wat i want, do wat ever it takes jus to see me smile, try and compromise me, change themselves to suit me, tahan my mad temper, stand my stubborness, try so hard not to make me cry.

and den i became wary. wary of myself. i started to think and even doubt myself, i was so afraid of losing. i wanna win. i cannot lose. that is why, i've always been letting go. letting go of the love of my life, letting go of wat could actually be a wonderful and magical history in my life. oh wells.

that is me i guess, i nvr think for myself, like wat many others say of me. but i cant help it. haha. it's jus me. it's jus soo nicole. i tried to think for myself, but it was too late. once and twice. i tried to think what do i actually want, but when i finally achieved the answer, it was already too late. late because, my love has already walked outta my life and into another's. all i can do now is jus to pray. not for myself, but for him to cherish her. altho i dunnoe who lar, but jus as well i guess. (:

i can see, mark's trying hard. (: and i thank him for that. well, not that it actually concerns me or whatsoever, but because i know, if he hadnt try, it'll be my fault too. dont ask me why, it's a pretty loooooooooong story. hahaha. yupidoki. =) haha, it took him more then half a year to settle down. but all is worthy if u ask him now i guess. ((:

in the past, when i was younger. i've always wanted things to go MY way. i do wat i like, and do wat i want. that was when i was younger lar. but now, whenever i think likewise, i have this voice inside me, telling me, "life isnt that simple nicole." i guess, i am no longer that 6 years old nicole i used to be. i am 16 now, i can think. i plan my life knowing life aint what it appears to be. ((:

im taking a closer walk with God. each day i pray that he'll come deeper into my life. show me the meaning of my existance. everyday, i talk to God. hoping he'll tell me the solutions to my problems. i let God carry my baggages. baggages of sins, lies unforgiveness, anger, and many more. i ask God to lighten my load. i put my life in God's hand. i give God my life. i let God take control of my life. i tell God my secrets, knowing that he'll tell no one. i pray each day that God may touch the lives of my friends and family around me. i know that God will not let me down, neither do i wanna let God down. day by day, i try so hard, not to sin and make God disappointed. i pray so hard that God will bring him back to the path in God's grace. i know God have his reasons of doing things, God made me let him go because he has greater things in life for me. i am ready to do God's will. i love God, and i know, God loves me too. ((:

sighs

MERRY X'MAS!

lols. yepp yepp! its x'mas again! haha. "that" time of the year.. yuppidoki! and everytime this year, i'll be spending it alone. no doubt! haha. well, get used to it nic, its not the first time.. haha.. yepp yepp! got used to it somehow or rather. haha..! oh well! ohkay! now i'll try to blog what ever that comes to my mind, cos obviously i haven been blogging.. haha!

sighs, this is life. life is cruel. yes. let me tell u a bit bout my job.

JOB.
this job, kinda sucks, but its damn good.
ok lemme explain..
it is good when u can find ppl. it sucks when u work and there's noone whose willing to stop and listen to u speak. and u'll work for nth. that explains why enqi is so damn pissed with the job. (: haha. oh well, it isnt that bad for me lar. cos i managed to get 2 up.. haha.. well more then two but only those two help me get 60 and 80 bucks. haha. oh well, anyway, i alr quit.. lols.. well, cos firstly, mummy didnt like me doing that job cos i get home late, sencondly, daddy olso didnt like me doing that job which, he jus told me recently like yesterday i think. thirdly, i was getting tired of that job and thot i could earn more doing an easier job some where else. forthly, its taking up TOO much energy doing this stupid thing. ((: thus, i quited after 4 days! (: cool right. lols. i made 80+60=140 in 4 days. oh well. haha. and in these 4 days, i only like worked 2 hours per day. LOL. swells!

OK. next up, its... bout.. hmm.. wat.. lets see.. ok!

MAPLE!
maple sucks. not cos i dunnoe how to play, in fact, imma magician lvl 12! lols. right, that's besides the point. point is, COMPUTER sucks. i cannot play after they repatch the stupid maple thing! i log in and den walk a few steps den auto log out! OMGosh! im so irritated by it lar.. til i decided not to play and blog instead! so there!

next hmm..

FELIX CHIA!
lols. i do not, do not, do not, look like hello kitty! ok! omgosh! i dont look like hello kitty lar!!! aiyoyo! cannot stand u lar.. haha.

KING KONG!!!
this is a truely remarkable show, this show depicts how u can stil find love and compassion in this stupid and cruel reality. its VERY touching. trust me when i said that, i cried watching it ok! and mr lien! i dont cry for every show i watch kay! tell me, which movie and when? hur hur hur! hmphs! king kong and ann darrow. so nice. sighs. curse the stupid script writer of king kong man! why did he have to write such a SAD ending? sighs.. actually, i olso dunnoe how to describe the relationship/feeling king kong had for ann darrow. love? lols.. i dunnoe.. too bad king kong is king kong and ann darrow is ann darrow. haha. oh well.. the person is so mean lar, wan king kong to die alr so sad, still make king kong fall from the tallest building in new york.. -.-" so mean right. sighs. a very very good film! imma gonna watch it again and again and again and again. lols. (((:

SIGHS.
well recently, jus recently, he called. uh.. and den we talked. and.. well basically talked. ok, i remembered him saying, "everyone around me has become so holy except me." suddenly i felt my heart drop as in that feeling.. and i started getting bored so i did funny stiffs dat i normally wont do.. as in to like start qouting from the bible while i was on the phone.. cos i was flipping thru the bible BUT before i could finish my qoute, he said, dont come and bible me now.. or sth like dat lar.. den he said not in the mood. and i was, totally disappointed, i mean, u dont have time for God? sighs, this jus shows one thing, he changed. totally. im totally disappointed man. sighs. and den we continued talking.. it sounded awkward tho.. like im talking to some one i dont kno.. weird but i do kno him dont i? yes of cos i kno him, but why dat feeling? i dunnoe. sighs, we used to talk bout everything under the sun, but this time its like i've nth to say to him, but i kno deep inside, i got pentiful loads to tell him.. yes i wanna tell him, of cos i wanna. but not this benjy, nope definitely not. the benjy i kno doesnt call me a flirt. he doesnt brand me that way. he doesnt avoid me, he doesnt ignore me. oh well.. sighs.. its different now nic, ppl change, circumstances change, time flies, love fades.

merry x'mas!
x'mas is here! i gotta very very long wish list. haha. those on these blog are jus 1/4 of my oringinal wish list. haha! oh well. x'mas is a time i love but hate. love x'mas of cos i do, who doesnt? haha! but every time, i'd spend it alone. alone as in ALONE. well, not literally but yeah.. alone. hais! not that im yearning to spend it with some one lar, i dont have any one in particular in mind now tho.. well, i thot i would be very nice and sweet to spend x'mas with the love of your life. haha. oh well, this apparently doesnt apply to me. sighs, not only x'mas.. its my birthday, sighs, this year, i woke up and i found myself crying in bed. sighs, i think its cos i could have spent my birthday with that person. ok, i did, but he came with her. that wasnt wat i thot i wanted. sighs. oh well, as the chinese saying goes, "hao ma bu chi hui tou chao." well, meaning, good horse dont eat grass that's behind. lols. ok it means, we shouldnt/must not dwell in the past nor to look back, nor to regret. i think its like dat lar. i dont wanna wake up next year on the 9th of june and find myself crying again. sighs. OF COS, i kno, God is with me. and im glad. i kno i shouldnt cry, cos i've God. (:

SIGHS.

there are STILL people coming to me and telling me, why dont u give him another chance? afterall, u gave mark alot more chances den u did to him. and as i was thinking bout it, ya arh, why not arh? afterall, he's a great guy. but after considering for a long long time, i decided, it is best not to dwell in the past.

well, indeed i MUST admit that He's a very nice guy. (: and of cos i kno how much he loved me. of cos i kno i mean i can feel u kno. does lil lil nice nice stuffs jus to make me smile. nice guy right? he torlerates my temper very well, altho some times i kno i go beyond the line. im sorry, but ask mark. he knos. =] wahaha. ok, out of point. as i was saying, he's a nice guy, so why dont i give him another chance since he loves me so much?

well, firstly, i did consider giving him the chance ok, but he wanted to do his O's so he sorta rejected or so to say, pushed back. so i was like oh..kay. nvm. i wait. but he nvr came back until a few days after O's ended i think. and he indirectly asked for a patch, i wasnt quite sure bout it, cos after all, we've been seperated for quite a period of time alr so i was really not very steady as before. so i was pondering bout it. AND i came to realise DAT he's already infactuated with some one else i kno. so i was a lil cross upon knowing this lar. i mean i felt cheated can. like he alr crush another girl and stil came and ask for patch lar. sighs. so cos of this i was quite mad at him for a PERIOD OF TIME. a while only lar. haha. well at least he's not like mark. (: and i thank god for that. cos it took me like ONE YEAR to heal the wound lar. now, its completely SEALED. but along came another. sighs. i guess it'll take time to heal olso.

and then, well because u kno, when we were together, his mum kinda objected us lar. altho she's very nice, but im stil a lil afraid lar. and his mum was kinda jumpy and all, well i guess its because of O's.. now dat O's over.. we might have had chances but.. this is life nicole. (:

and lastly! he's gotten kinda close to joanne and gang so i thot i dont wanna spoil them or like interupt em or wat so eva. mayb its nth lar. but i thot i should stand aside since i gave my chance away. well, to speak the truth, i do feel a lil sour seeing them being so close lar. i dunnoe.. mayb its because im me bahs. i am a lil emotional lar. so its like everytime i break, WELL I ONLY BROKE 2 TIMES, den i will have this lil sentimental feeling dwelling in my heart. that is why mark had SO many chances. haha. he jus kept trying and persisting. lols. but i want to think it as benjy's a gentleman so he doesnt force me. and i respect that altho i kno and many others kno that if he had persisted, we could have be and will be together again. oh well. thats it. yepp yepp. ((:

hello mr nice guy LIM. if ur reading this, im sorry ohkay. i kno i've said sorry alot of times alr but im super really really sorry kays. pls.. well.. dont treat me so cold can? sighs, if we're meant to be, WE WILL BE. ok? trust god ya? i'll stil LOVE u man! hehe. righty benjy! ((: thank you for everything ya? heex. =]

WEEE!

weeeeeeeeeeeee! finally the queen decides to blog! wahahaha. yes. finally i decided to blog. HAHA. i have blog for a LONG LONG time. HAHA. get use to it people. hehehe. i kno lar there're these NICE people go come here every day to check if its updated yet but im SO SORRY can. hehe. im jus TOO lazy man! haha.

ok lemme start. HAHA.

Youth In The Spirit Seminar 2005
DAY ONE.
hahaha. i wanted to go for this camp so badly lar. HAHA. and when i got there, i was so high. HAHA. im in LOVE. yay! as in my group is LOVE. YAY! haha. yes love. ok and then i knew that ONE of my facils is Grace, so i was looking everywhere for grace. HAHA. before i got to see her i was hearing LOADS of ppl saying that she's a super nice person and that she's a LAWYER. weeeee! haha how cool is dat man! HAHA. yay. ok. so i found grace, and den i was wondering who is my other facil. and when i knew i was like OH NO. TELL ME ITS NOT HIM. AGAIN. hahaha. yes, its Gavin. AGAIN. oh no man! like give me a break man! haha. he's gonna make my toes and intestines giggle lar. HAHA. ok. and i saw my OTHER group mates. haha. i was like oh no. it'll be damn boring man. HAHA. all look so lifeless can. HAHA. i was like the only one whose like own self at there high. LOL. ok den we kinda clique quite well after a while lar. den slowly, i kno their names at heart. there's catharina, vanessa, kelly, sarah, jean, felix, joshua, kevin and kelvin. and my facils are grace and gavin! haha.

HAHA. yea man! so cool right. haha. yepps yepps. WE're IN LOVE. HAHA. yepps. yepps. i love LOVE can. HAHA. ok im damn lazy to blog anymore. HAHA.

Damn unfair.

SIGHS. December.

the last month of the year.. i thot as the year ends, all my troubles and sad memories will go together with 2005. but apparently, no and its all resurfacing.

nvm bout it resurfacing, but my mum's super unreasonable. i mean like, does she even kno how hard is it to even FIND a job? i went thru so much trouble to find this job.. i jus wanna go out and spend my time usefully rather than jus lazing at home, i wanna do sth.. why cant she understand? why must she always go against me? hello~ im 16 years old alr pls.. other 16 years olds have their parents' trust and support to do things they wanna. what bout mine? restricting me in everything i do. EVERYTHING. so wat if imma girl?! im stil a human right? i stil breathe like every other stupid guys right.. i eat and sleep like all other guys right?? why is she always saying imma girl therefore i cannot do this, do that? i know wat im doing okay.. i know who is the good guy and who is not!! i can SEE for MYSELF. cant i make the friends i wanna make? so wat if enqi goes to china black? so what man? its not like she's gonna betray her body or wat right??! why does she think of the BAD ones as good ppl?! she doesnt even know kay!! xuehui is a bitch lor. she thinks xuehui is a good girl and all. MY FREAKING FOOT man. its because she has no FRIENDS to accompany her out. and ALL OF HER FRIENDS ARE GANGSTERS pls!! out until 1 plus almost everyday, crush on the ugliest gangsters, speak like a freaking ah lian, act like a total bitch and hang out with all the disgusting ppl. and to think my mum treat her as a DECENT girl. PER LEASE lor. i finally got a job and now she's not letting me go. damn it. asshole. so damn unreasonable lor. what the hell is wrong with her man. treating the good as the bad. treating the bitch as the good. where is her eyes man?! slap me for sth i didnt do. and its all because of that bitch again. she told my mum i went to china black. I SWEAR I DID NOT GO OKAY. i've got witnessES man. ask huimin, ask enqi, ask weehong, ask gimyong, ask jianming, ask cheehow, ask lien, ask joachim, ask guowei, ask rongchang, ask yeowching, ask khaifang, ask huifen, ask yeehwee, ask johnson. DAMN IT. i tell her the truth and she didnt believe me. like wtf?! and she slapped me lar. it was the first time i cried when she slapped me okay.. i was damn disappointed lar. she believed an outsider. she'd rather believe a bitch den to believe her OWN DAUGHTER. why is she always doing this to me?! am i not her flesh and blood? i'd rather not to be on this earth man. damn it. FUCK. i'd rather i was not born. i'd rather she gave me away the minute i came to earth. i'd rather she had a miscarriage and lose me instead, i'd rather she aborted me away. in her eyes, there's only nicholas nicholas nicholas. despite him being a nuisence and bastard and all, its always nicholas nicholas nicholas. then why bother bout me so much man? jus chase me outta the house lar, give me away lar, put me in the orphanage lar. disown me lar. everytime only say im a great disappointment. say i useless, say im good for nth. only care bout her face, scared i throw her face, afraid to let ppl kno im her daughter, see me as a good for nth idiot who always let her worry. like nicholas did not like dat lor.. so wat if his psle got higher then me?! so wat man.. in the end olso frm first class drop to third class.. in hte end olso become a stupid babarian.. every word that comes out of his stupid mouth is vulgarities, look at porn stuffs on the net, everyday act like a stupid gangster, he got camp only den let him go, got chalet only then let him go, got party olso let him go.. everything olso he can do.. i must beg like a stupid pile of shit den she'll even start to consider letting me go.. i get trophy she olso dont care, i get gold and everything she olso dont even bother.. nvr even make it a point to look at my trophy.. my maths get high marks she olso didnt bother.. get low a bit only then she start nagging like my maths have always been poor.. my english get 60+ she say its lousy, she think so easy to score is it? DO IT YOURSELF LAR. damn it. i do good, she dont bother, i do badly then only she start to bark.. she thinks she understands me so well, truth is, SHE KNOWS NUTS. wat the hell does she kno??! all she knows is nicholas is a good boy. disgusting! when it comes to nicholas, she doesnt slap, she doesnt beat, she doesnt scold, she doesnt punish. everytime only ask me to do things, in the end olso nvr say thank you. why doesnt she ask nicholas to do it? because he is too young. FORGOODNESS SAKE MAN. HE IS 13 YEARS OLD. THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. at the age of 13, i was sweeping the floor, washing the dishes, hanging the clothes and folding the clothes pls.. isnt he more useless then i am?? why am i always the one getting scolded?? i get scolded for EVERYTHING. even things i did not do. and most of the time, it was nicholas who created the fucking problem. and i'll have to carry the blame. so what if im 3 years older? so wat?? den i'd rather i be 3 years younger then him, i'd rather i wasnt even here. doesnt even treat me like her daughter lor.. one day, when i cannot take it no more, i'll pack my bag and run away. i swear i'll do it. i'll go to my grandma's house, at least there they love me. or mayb i'll jus go some where she'll nvr be able to find me. she sucks lar. damn it.

on top of these unreasonable stuffs, my friends are treating me like a stupid joke. treating me like a stupid clown. making me feel so unwanted.. treating me so coldly, making me feel like a stupid clown.. like i've been made used of.. sth to pass their time.. said their always there for me.. but when i need someone, they are nvr there.. i had to cry myself to sleep everytime.. i had to cry alone.. i had to sit behind my door and cry.. wat are friends for then? sighs.. they're there so they can mock at me.. so they can run me down more.. so they can laugh at the sight of my pitiful self.. sighs.. my life is a complete SHIT man. damn it.

aiyoyoyo

aiyeee! im super bored!! boo~

anyway.. i spent today and yesterday making my yeye's birthday card! haha.


lols. i messed the floor. haha!


this is the full page. as in both pages.. haha..


HAHA. this is the front page! the back page looks similar but a lil screwed up. LOLs.


lols. the process..


page ONE.


page TWO.


that is wat my bro wrote.


the mess.

ok. it is not completed tho.. got tired. HAHA. and it's tmr! lols. aye.. i still needa get my other cousins to write on the empty red spaces. HAHA. yes. the pictures.. the one on top is.. ME. haha. the one below is my bro.. haha. im gonna get my cousins' photo and put it in too. so there.. ((:

HAHA.

hello! yea! i didnt sleep last night.. haha. was chatting with geraldine til bout 6 plus 7.. HAHA. yea man. then i went to take a lil nap.. and my alarm rang at 9 plus.. but i went back to sleep!

WAIT. I ACTUALLY WANTED TO BRING MY CAMERA OUT. BUT I FORGOT. DAMN. wait u'll kno why.. damn! haha..

JOB BRIEFING.
haha. by the time i woke up, it was alr 10.45am. OMG. yes. i was running super late.. i quickly got up and changed and took a cab down to west mall to meet enqi. we went for the briefing. the fella was LATE himself lar.. haha.. during the briefing i was like WHOA.. haha. great job i found myself here man! HAHA. yups..

JOB INTERVIEW.
and then after dat me and enqi went back to west mall and we had our breakfast! HAHA.. we had EGG and BREAD and MILO. delicious man! HAHA.. and we made our way to town!! HAHA.. yupps. and we got off at somerset.. and went to faber building. YUPPS. and we filled in the forms and we are FREE to roam orchard! erm the person inc charge asked us to go for work on TUESDAY! haha. 2.30 same place! yay! haha. i work on day den take leave.. -.-'" for camp. HAHA. so lame lor.. but ya.. haha. yepps.

AND DEN.. HAHA.. we went to roam heeren and cinne.. HAHA. and bought a COUPLE of stuffs. HAHA. and FINALLY we decided to GO HOME. haha! yes. finally.. haha. and we walked to orchard mrt.. and we passed by this really cool erm.. show thing.. and it was showing a LAMBOURGINI GALLERO!! OMG. that was the MOST HANDSOME thing i've EVER SEEN. i swear i could go up to it and drive it home. i tell you, it was the PRETTIEST THING EVER. it is black and so damn cool! it was soooo COOL man. the COOLEST THING ON EARTH. i was like where's my stupid camera when i need it. damn! BUT anyway.. i took a pic with my phone. ((: so pretty!! haha. ok den we went to get me a drink. i was so dried up. haha. and after my drink, we continued walking TOWARDS orchard mrt. HAHA. seems like we can nvr reach there man. haha! we came to this traffic light.. where u cross over to paragon. AND THERE, i was so amazed.

yes. a six year old busker. HE WAS PLAYING DRUMS. he played like a professional. as if he has been playing drums his entire life. its like he played drums for centuries. HAHA. THO he started playing when he was two. i was sooo amazed. and awed.. wat he played was awesome. i could see it in his eyes.. the passion and the feel he was having while playing the drums. it was GREAT. Ethan Ong. yes. i bet he'll become a very successful drummer man! fine looking chap.. so fine that he was sooo irrisistable. HAHA. SO CUTE. haha. omg.. i couldnt help but to ask him to take pic with me lar.. its is in MY phone. ((: now, WHERE THE HECK IS MY CAMERA?!?!? oh ya. enqi was with me the whole time. (: she was like "thinking back, who's hanqi arh?" i was like OMG.. wth!! HAHA.. but ya.. im super impressed by the lil' kid lor.. omg can.. very talented lil fella. so cute some more.. HAHA.. yes.. i was telling enqi "im gonna let my son learn drums at 2 years old." haha! yes. i will. if i remember. and i'll let my lil girl learn dancing. YES. and piano and guitar and violin and all. HAHA. mummy didnt let me go for classes when i was younger lah.. NO FAIR. so i'll let my kids do it for me.. (((: HAHAHA. ok. done. ((:



i dunnoe what do u wan from me. i jus kno that im really tired and i dont wanna ponder bout things anymore. but i nvr stop being ur fren, unless u wan me to. ((:

sighs.

As i was flipping thru my drawer, i came upon this lil' bag.. ok.. more like a SMALL pouch.

i was thinking, this pouch looks sooo familiar.. so i opened it.. and.. URGH!

this lil' bag belongs to seventh july two thousand and five.. or should i say first october two thousand and five. sighs.. inside this bag is what i suppose i want to forget. perhaps forget is not appropriate, let go might be a better word.

this bag is a tiny transparent bag with lil' holes on it.. it has a black zipper and hook. and inside this bag, there are ten, TEN, 10 things inside. these ten things fit nicely inside this pouch. JUST nice. big and small. valuable and the NOT SO valuable. meaningful and the NOT SO meaningful. happy memories and the sad memories. his love and my love. my promise and his promise. it was once our promise.

ok. after saying SO much. i bet u guys are going.. DAMN IT. jus tell us wat is inside man! haha. and i bet if he is reading this, he might oredy guess what is inside. how amazing can it get. this lil' bag can make me think so much. especially with those few smses yesterday and what he asked. i started pondering, i started thinking bout why these events kept on repeating itself. First time and Second time. and then i realised, the fault lies within me. i am jus too paranoid. im loving too much. im so afraid of reality. im scared of losing. after the first heart break, it was a long period of time. one year, in fact, more den a year. i once told myself, to ignore the fears i have in me and give my all to the next. i told myself, forget but wat i am afraid of. i try and try.. i made him wait, and there was one period i told myself not to commit ever again. but there's was this other feeling and voice inside me, telling me to give it another try. perhaps thing might work out this time. i open my heart to love once more, but true enough, my fears set in. and this eventually led to seperation. oh well. yepps. it true..

for the past few months, i've been telling myself that only i will give and not recieve. that is why, i am holding back. holding back on what might work out. i dunnoe.. i didnt dare to try. so i did not try. i jus sat there and kept quiet, altho i kno he oredy knows, i didnt dare to speak a word. altho they say he likes me too, i didnt wan to believe. i'd rather he dont like me, i'd rather he doesnt kno a thing, i'd rather myself to admire him without him knowing. i'd rather i did not crush him. i'd rather i did not know him. i'd rather he did not know me. i can only give and not recieve. i dont wan to recieve. i want to love, i dont want to be loved.

some people dream of being loved all the time, but they dont know what love may bring. it brings heartbreak, it brings tears. it brings misunderstanding, it brings lies. it brings broken friendship, it brings enemies. it brings hatred, it brings denial. it brings lonliness, it brings blood. it brings betrayal, it brings sadness. it brings solitude, it brings suffering.

isnt love supposed to be sweet and happy and all? isnt love supposed to bring joy and happiness, hugs and kisses, peace and harmony, warmth and cuddles, trust and confidence, loyalty and understanding?

fairytale, ABSURD. what is fairytale? lies. yes, fairytales are lies. whatever with the happily ever after thing. it nvr happens. fairytales are meant for lil' children who dreams of neverland. fairytales are meant for people who have schizophrenic. it is meant for those who refuse to face reality. why do fairytales always starts with a long long time ago, or long before your time?? i tell you. because it nvr happens, because there is no such thing, because there is not a fix place and time where happily ever after come true. sighs, life is ardous..













inside the bag, there's..
a baby photo;
Queen of hearts;
a bookmark;
a pick;
a movie ticket;
a pig hangie thing for the phone;
another pair of pig hangie thing (which i meant to give him but i didnt obviously..);
a necklace;
and a ring.



((: good day.

job hunt!

JOB HUNT!
ok. yes. i've started job hunting finally! HAHA.. and it's SOOO difficult to find a job man! omg.. like temporary only lah.. ok. i asked my uncle. AND he said he could only pay me 25 bucks. THAT PATHETIC 25 BUCKS. like WTH.. ok so i called and asked my auntie.. she ask me if the NTUC cashier can not.. den i was ohkay.. i mean i dont mind. den i asked how much usually.. she said 4 or 5 bucks per hour loh.. OMG.. paying me so little and asking me to stand all day?! like wat the heck pls.. aiyoyo! difficult to find a jobb mann.. den she asked me to check the papers out.. and told me usually the restaurant line offer a higher pay.. so i guess i'll go get the papers later.. HAHA.. yupps..

AND YAY!! I AM GOING FOR YISS! WEET! EEEEE-HA! lols. im mad. HAHA.

hahaha.

THIS MORNING, I WOKE UP and mummy went..

mummy: "GIRL uh!! when's ur camp?!"

and i was thinking my camp??! i thot over already? then i continue thinking.. and i was like..

me: "OH! erm.. 8 to 11."

then there was a pause..

mummy: "YOU BETTER CLEAR THE MESS IN UR ROOM AND THE STUDY ROOM, IF NOT U DONT GO ANYWHERE. U HEAR ME?"

HAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!!! read that? omg.. mummy's letting me go for YISS!!! YAY! woohooo! PRAISE THE LORD. AMEN. ((:

reality is mean

reality is mean. super mean. it is when ur down den u'll realise, the ppl whom u thot cared for u and who are always there, are the ones who hoped u'd die faster. and their olso the ones who enjoy looking and laughing at u when ur at ur lowest. yes, im at my lowest now. im super down on my luck, everythings starts to go wrong and everyone pointing their finger at me.. i wonder why do such stuffs happen.. reality is disgusting lar.

it is when u've experienced it, that ur able to tell how egoistic and selfish can ppl get. if they dont get wat they want, they'll try their utmost best to ruin it. its like if u cant have em, ruin em! yes. i can see it. if they dont get u, and ur at ur lowest, they'll run u down and start pouring cold water. but fret not, uh uh.. i am not giving up so soon. i dont give up, i kno that im right and i did nothing wrong.

wrong, perhaps breaking up is wrong. i dunnoe. whatever lorr.. reality sucks big time!

humans are just so two headed.. as in two headed thing(i didnt wanna use animal, cos animals are nice creatures.) they pretend to care for u but inside their hearts, they want u dead. im not only refering to who i think i am now.. but its all everybody. this happens to me too. SOMETIMES. we're all human. perhaps its human nature.. i dunnoe.. but as u read this post, think deep, recall. did u not once habour this thot? oh well.. this is why ppl have schizophrenic behaviour. we all dislike reality cos it stinks.

this sucks. jus when i was accused of flirting with some guy whom obviously i DID not.. some other guy comes up to me and tells me imma bitch. uh perhaps he didnt say, but i bet thats wat he's thinking inside him. like whatever, i dont give no SHIT. say what u want man. u haven met enough ppl. if imma bitch, then some one else i kno is like wat? bitch square? uh whatever.. is it me or only him? cos i realise he's the only one treating me like imma huge criminal of all times.. i think its only him lar ah.. he's gotta problem man.. he resembles mark when i broke with mark the last time. omg.. see i told u.. guys are all the same.. same pile of shit.. uh uh.. its true.. they only care bout themselves.. yupps. but mark turned nice.. ((: well at least wat i think lar.. but guys will always be reduced to bastards lar.. so why bother..?

behind every bitch, there's a bastard who made her that way.. think bout it.. ((:

that other guy doesnt even bother lar.. i feel he has changed.. serious.. different, not some one i used to know.. he's becoming super wary bout things.. yes, serious. b4, during and after camp. i feel i dunnoe him, at all. tho we were once very close.. its like a whole new stranger standing infront of me. some thing is in between us. something that might severe this friendship. if i too were as paranoid and wary like him, i think this will be our end.. im trying super hard to avoid agruments and unesscessary stuffs.. but he jus doesnt back away.. keep on rubbing in and all being so dao and indifferent.. acting so nonchalent.. aye i dunnoe.. this jus sucks.. i bet he thinks im enjoying life right now, with a new crush and friends and all.. he doesnt kno.. he'll nvr kno.. i bet he thinks i've changed.. i bet he thinks i suck.. i bet he's gloating away now.. i bet he'll read this and come and tell me all this are not true.. i bet he doesnt kno he's hurting me soo so much.. i bet he thinks imma bitch.. sighs..

i am a human too. a very sick and tired person.. during the healing process, i hope to forgive him.. i dunnoe if i did.. not that he's been a bastard while being with me but u kno he lied and sutffs.. i thot it didnt matter, but it did actually, quite a lot.. so i hoped i could put that down.. now, i dunnoe if i did already.. i didnt kno it could actually hurt so much after so long.. it hurt so much, i actually cried out loud lar.. how shameful.. my mom slapped me for the first time and i didnt cry out loud lar.. i was only sobbing lor.. how sickening.. crying because of a guy.. mayb because i was sorry too.. i dunnoe.. mixed up emotions here and there..

perhaps i too have changed, but i dunnoe.. after the healing and outpouring processes, i thot we all should live in fellowship eternally and not being so wary bout things.. sighs.. i dunnoe.. reality sucks..

omg.

sighs. i wonder what has everything gotta to do with him man.

hello~ remember? this all doesnt concern u? remember?

u poke ur nose into almost everything. yes, when i say almost everything i mean everything.. ok, now, if i've mistaken, im super sorry, like very sincerely can.. but im almost 90% sure its u lar. the way u speak and what u've done before.. i asked okay, and almost everyone thinks its u too. u can ask lien, or enqi. the way u speak with no one else in ur eyes, the way u boss around, the way u always think ur right. it jus gives u all away.. try harder.

like when i was with benjy, u must give some kinda shit and all. like it all bothers u who im with. i chose benjy instead of lien, i have my choice. so what if i could be happier with lien? and hello~? what makes u so sure i'd be happier with lien? i was like super happy and glad i was with benjy okay! praise the lord. ((: and hey.. it is my choice. at that point of time, the one i love was benjy. not lien, even if i were to cry everynight being with benjy, i'll still choose benjy. i mean, u cant force love. if we're meant to be, love will find a way. no point to be with lien and end up asking myself if i love him. right? its not that i dont like lien or wat, but i cannot choose. i dont have a choice. i put friends before myself okay. that is wat i do. ask me to do it away, well i tried, and i couldnt. even if enqi didnt fall for lien, i dont mean to be harsh or wat but i dont think me and lien will work out. ok, i dont work out with anyone. i'll end up heart broken or sth. thats besides the point. ok.

now, its a problem between mark and gwen. ITS THEIR PROBLEM. they didnt ask u for any comments. ok? leave them alone. mark came to me and asked for help. yes, this i have to admit. i did gave advice BUT i olso told him that it is his problem with gwen and that he shouldnt come to me but to solve his problem HIMSELF. yes, i told him that. and who the heck gave u the rights to CAPS MY NAME? eh? and hello, mind u, that is his blog ok. he wan to use capricorn or aquarius or gemini or aries or saggi doesnt concern u kays. not happy with him den call the police catch him lar. right right? wat a loser. boo. hide and cry.

hmm

What Gets You Whipped?
nicole, you're whipped because he's Sweet

Nice guys finish last? Not a chance if they meet a sweetie like you. There's not a thing in the world you wouldn't do for loved ones, and you wanna make sure you find a guy who's got his priorities straight too. Whether he's a bull-rider or a businessman, he'd better have a big heart. When you fall, you fall hard. And it's the little things that matter like when he opens the door for you, cooks you dinner, or leaves sweet notes in your pocket. Brains and brawn are fine and dandy, but he won't win your heart if he isn't in touch with his sensitive side. Awwww, how sweet!!


hahahas.. so true uh.. heh heh.. (: im super bored can.. lols.. mayb i'll put all the quiz results in one post. hahas. yupps. dat wat imma gonna do! hahas.



The Dream Interpretation Test
What's Your Dream Theme?

nicole, the recurrent theme of your dream life is Life's Rewards

You're dreaming about looking good and feeling good in your life. This means that in some are of your life, your hard work and preparation has paid off, and you're giving yourself permission to accept the benefits you deserve.


hahaha! cool man. luxury! eeee ha! lols..



What's Your Love Story?

nicole, Loving Too Much is your primary love story!

The Loving Too Much story stems from your overflowing love and hope. Sometimes, however, it can be muddied by misguided feelings, expectations and sometimes, an unrequited desire.

The people you're most attracted to are usually just out of reach and all the more alluring for it. The less available your partner is, emotionally and physically, the more desirable he becomes.

Loving Too Much is about the things in life that you don't think you can have, then learning to create a more realistic ideal for yourself and your partner. It's about working through the fear of rejection, insecurities, and overwhelming longing to love wholly and completely.


aiyoyo! this is getting freakyy! haha.. oh well. jus a quiz. hehehe..



The Attraction Factor
Your Personal Plan For Being 100% Attractive

nicole, on a scale of 1-100, your attraction factor is 70!

How did we determine your attractiveness score? While you were taking the test, we measured your responses to questions on 5 attraction dimensions — appearance, attitude, body maintenance, energy and behavior. Here's what we found out: While your overall attraction factor is 70, you are getting most noticed by others for your attitude.


lols. is that true? haha. i dunnoe. lols. so lame. hahas. ppl become lame when their bored. so ya.. (:



The Love Personality Test
Similar to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®

nicole, your love personality type is ENTP

About 4-6% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.

As an ENTP, you can be the life of the party. Most people are apt to be immediately taken with your enthusiasm and friendly nature. You're the kind who always seems to have a good story or anecdote on hand to reveal your charm and wit. However, that's not to imply that you're simply a jokester. You also seem to enjoy thinking deeply and creatively on any number of topics. ENTPs like you can have a knack for coming up with novel ways of looking at the world. This usually makes your type more open-minded than lots of other people are. Your rare combination of social skills and common sense can make you a winning catch. In relationships, part of what often excites you is sharing your ideas about the world. You can be one smooth talker and at times, a masterful negotiator. You also seem to be the kind of social person who can make friends in a roomful of strangers. This is a rare talent.


WAIT! wat the heck is ENTP first! -.-"'



The Temptation Test
nicole, when it comes to temptation you're a Moderate

We've all heard it before, "Everything in moderation." It's just you're one of the only ones who can actually do just that — even when it comes to the most tempting of temptations. As a true Moderate, you're the type who allows yourself bits and pieces of life's innocent pleasures — but knows when and how to draw the line before you get carried away.Because you treat yourself when you have a strong craving, you can more easily say "no" to excessive temptations when they arise. Good for you — you've managed to achieve the perfect balance between pleasing the little angel and the little devil on your shoulders. Getting and maintaining this healthy sense of discipline is a place we should all strive for.


lols. discipline. wats that man. hahas. i got mehs? HAHA. ((: ok.. enough. im not bored anymore. hahas. byebye! i cant wait for yiss man! woot!

hmm

What Gets You Whipped?
nicole, you're whipped because he's Sweet

Nice guys finish last? Not a chance if they meet a sweetie like you. There's not a thing in the world you wouldn't do for loved ones, and you wanna make sure you find a guy who's got his priorities straight too. Whether he's a bull-rider or a businessman, he'd better have a big heart. When you fall, you fall hard. And it's the little things that matter like when he opens the door for you, cooks you dinner, or leaves sweet notes in your pocket. Brains and brawn are fine and dandy, but he won't win your heart if he isn't in touch with his sensitive side. Awwww, how sweet!!


hahahas.. so true uh.. heh heh.. (: im super bored can.. lols.. mayb i'll put all the quiz results in one post. hahas. yupps. dat wat imma gonna do! hahas.



The Dream Interpretation Test
What's Your Dream Theme?

nicole, the recurrent theme of your dream life is Life's Rewards

You're dreaming about looking good and feeling good in your life. This means that in some are of your life, your hard work and preparation has paid off, and you're giving yourself permission to accept the benefits you deserve.


hahaha! cool man. luxury! eeee ha! lols..



What's Your Love Story?

nicole, Loving Too Much is your primary love story!

The Loving Too Much story stems from your overflowing love and hope. Sometimes, however, it can be muddied by misguided feelings, expectations and sometimes, an unrequited desire.

The people you're most attracted to are usually just out of reach and all the more alluring for it. The less available your partner is, emotionally and physically, the more desirable he becomes.

Loving Too Much is about the things in life that you don't think you can have, then learning to create a more realistic ideal for yourself and your partner. It's about working through the fear of rejection, insecurities, and overwhelming longing to love wholly and completely.


aiyoyo! this is getting freakyy! haha.. oh well. jus a quiz. hehehe..



The Attraction Factor
Your Personal Plan For Being 100% Attractive

nicole, on a scale of 1-100, your attraction factor is 70!

How did we determine your attractiveness score? While you were taking the test, we measured your responses to questions on 5 attraction dimensions — appearance, attitude, body maintenance, energy and behavior. Here's what we found out: While your overall attraction factor is 70, you are getting most noticed by others for your attitude.


lols. is that true? haha. i dunnoe. lols. so lame. hahas. ppl become lame when their bored. so ya.. (:



The Love Personality Test
Similar to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®

nicole, your love personality type is ENTP

About 4-6% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.

As an ENTP, you can be the life of the party. Most people are apt to be immediately taken with your enthusiasm and friendly nature. You're the kind who always seems to have a good story or anecdote on hand to reveal your charm and wit. However, that's not to imply that you're simply a jokester. You also seem to enjoy thinking deeply and creatively on any number of topics. ENTPs like you can have a knack for coming up with novel ways of looking at the world. This usually makes your type more open-minded than lots of other people are. Your rare combination of social skills and common sense can make you a winning catch. In relationships, part of what often excites you is sharing your ideas about the world. You can be one smooth talker and at times, a masterful negotiator. You also seem to be the kind of social person who can make friends in a roomful of strangers. This is a rare talent.


WAIT! wat the heck is ENTP first! -.-"'



The Temptation Test
nicole, when it comes to temptation you're a Moderate

We've all heard it before, "Everything in moderation." It's just you're one of the only ones who can actually do just that — even when it comes to the most tempting of temptations. As a true Moderate, you're the type who allows yourself bits and pieces of life's innocent pleasures — but knows when and how to draw the line before you get carried away.Because you treat yourself when you have a strong craving, you can more easily say "no" to excessive temptations when they arise. Good for you — you've managed to achieve the perfect balance between pleasing the little angel and the little devil on your shoulders. Getting and maintaining this healthy sense of discipline is a place we should all strive for.


lols. discipline. wats that man. hahas. i got mehs? HAHA. ((: ok.. enough. im not bored anymore. hahas. byebye! i cant wait for yiss man! woot!

what has past is the past..

i know, since it has passed, its history.. but i came across this while i was bored..


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
nicole, you're a Steady Supporter

Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed yourself to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with. For you, mutual respect and trust is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.


well.. i did this with benjy in mind.. ((: not that i hope to be back together or what but.. since that was where i stop. then i'll jus use it for this quiz.. ((: oh well.. imma gonna do more quizzes! eeee ha! lols.

colour test

Harlows! i came across this in Shankra's bloggie.. hahas.. the results were super accurate lar! hahas. i was super bored u see, so i took the test.. simple test.. ended so fast.. i thot wanted to waste time but didnt take up much of my time tho. hahas.. yupps!!

Nicole took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting n..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

*Qoutes frm aaron cheng's blog*

A 'crush' is a very normal thing that can be found in any ordinary person any day.

'Like' is when you would do more than the usual amount of favours for a person.

'Love' is when you would go an extra mile out to do something very small for a person.

'True love' is when you would die for the person.

i didnt kno aaron cheng is capable of this. hahas. but how true ya?

and yay! we're going for YISS!! haha! woot!

I'm BACK!

yes. ok im back!

i've got super loads of things to say. ok. firstly.. of cos its grad night.. i didnt get a chance to blog cos the day after grad night i when for my camp(super interesting).

graduation night.
24th of November. considered as a very busy day for me. well.. i got up at 8 and went back to sleep.. lols.. yepps. and den i woke up at bout 10 plus again. i went to enqi's house. yepps. we got ready and went to have our hair set and stuffs.. and den went to York Hotel. yepps. and grad night was COOOOOL mans.. haha.. super cool lar.. the whole "ballroom" (if that is considered as a ballroom lar) was FULL of hunks and babes. woot! im serious. yes i am. super loads of handsomes and pretties.. goodness gracious me.. grad night was unforgettable mans. yepps. especially Him. he looked.. super hot lar. ((:

ok. next is the best!

Confirmation Camp '05
25th November 2005. this was the time i really felt God. right. the first day.
i was late for camp.. hehe. supposing to be there at 10.. but i woke up at 9.30 lar. hahas. oh well. i took a cab to church. hehe. so dumb lor. hais.. anyway.. yupps. i think we were broken up into groups on the first day.. yepps. in my group was.. Noel, Gregory, Cheryl, Nicholias, Joanne.. and our facilatators were Thelma and Gavin. they're all cool people mans! hahas. praise and worship rocks man. so fun lar..! and we had meals every 2 hours. hahas.. its like breakfast and lunch and tea and dinner and supper are 2 hours apart. haha. its like "Fat Camp".. lols.. the games and all.. super cool. this camp is totally cool lar.. the best parts were the healing and the outpouring processes.. yes, i got slained. and it felt great man.. i felt God. yes. i felt Him. God gave me the gift of Tongues. i can speak in tongues. MARY! i can speak in tongues. so cool right.. the camp's super cool lar.. why did it end so soon. crap.. oh well.. everybody is soooo cool lar.. there's chris, lynette, charles, casilda, leonard, linus, and all everybody.. cannot remember everyone.. hahas. i feel my life has changed quite a bit.. yupps.. with the holy spirit and god in me and stuffs... ((:

yepps. God bless all of us. ((:

I've grown up.

I've grown up. Yes. I have to agree.

it was only like yesterday when I entered Hong Kah Sec.. For the past four years, I've been thru a lot of laughters, tears and emotions. yes, i know we all did.

for many years, i've been loathing school. i think that school is such a waste of time, i find teachers irritating, i thought of the school guys lowly, i look down on the girls in school. but after sorting out my thoughts, nobody is perfect. yes i have to admit. even me, i am not perfect.

come to think of it, school is fun. hey, i love school. it is where i met my best friends. it is where i realise that teachers are not at all irritating. (some i mean) it is where i fall in love, it is where i fall outta love, it is where i realised how cruel reality is, it is where i realised good friends cannot be trusted. it is where i found my soul mate. it is where i shed my tears, it is where my laughters are heard.

now that i've completed my full four years, i cannot bear to part with my best friends, my teachers, my memories. sighs. how fast time really flies..

i know, as we go on, we will have to part. no matter what, we must part, cos each and every one of us have a different future awaiting for us ahead. we all have our individual paths. but deep down inside, we are still friends forever. (:

we wouldnt know who will become what in the future. who knows enqi might become a big lawyer. would hui fen become a renowed fashion designer? i dunnoe. we all dont know. haha. the future is a great mystery. we really have no idea. sighs.

i hate to part, but what else can i do but to abide reality? i cant possibly go against reality and fate. but i know, we will still be friends forever. aww* i hate to part, i am afraid i might shed my tears.. i am afraid to leave my memories..

And i also know.. i know that by leaving Hong Kah, i might olso lose Him. chances of us meeting will be lesser.. chances of us getting together is even slimmer.. chances of us becoming close friends are shattered.. chances of my dreams coming true are smashed..all i can and know is that i'll be sitting alone, realising how foolish am i, regretting on my indecisive-ness..

but if i were to confess my feelings for Him, im afraid i'll lose a friend. im afraid he might turn and walk away, then i'll sit alone, cursing my impulsive mind, blaming my daring self.

by falling for Him, i've put myself in a huge dilemma. what am i to do? sighs. somebody please, tell me what to do. am i to wait on?

sometimes, i really wish i could fast forward time, to see in the end, if it is all worth it.. perhaps God, u could come to me in my dreams, and tell me if it is all worth it.

if i had any special powers, i would want to be able to freeze time. and i'll stop the time here. this moment, this very moment. freeze my memories and keep it in a capsule.. oh well. im off to play ma game. till next time~! ((:












p.s im still falling for u. ((:

UNFAIR!

How unfair can this get?!
omg. First, u took the guy i love.
Now what?!
u want my bestie too?
Fuck off.
hands off.
shoo u lil' spoiled brat zombie.
get ur stinky arse away from me.
and my bestie.
u abandoned me for love.
serve u right.
now ur so poor thing. not a single TRUE friend by ur side.
haha! go find ur own friend. (if anyone wants to be that is..) get ur own life.
ASK MARK TO ACCOMPANY U GO BUY LAR.
haha! stil got! guowei! hahaha. u can go ask him ma. oh ya. he dont bother bout u liao. aiyo so poor thing. hais..
unlike me.. i got loads of friends. i got plenty of ppl who are concerned and are willing to go out with me. hor enqi hor? hehe.
this is ur desert ya? sweet? haha.
HAHA. just as well. my sweet revenge. ok not say revenge. lets put it as, my vengence is cleared. haha.


pardon me. im just a lil' agitated bout stuffs that has happened a year ago. tho i kno it's partly my fault, but look at wat kinda friend i sacrificed for. sighs. i kno.. a lil' mean and stuffs. but ya. its in me for more den one year. please understand the pain i've been hiding. thank you.

HOORAY!

yay! finally went to shop for my grad nite clothes..

went two times.. first time was with enqi.. went to wisma.. at first went to Forever 21 to look for the dress i had in mind.. but it was out of stock liao.. so we walked around wisma see see.. den we came across this shop Deniel Yam.. specially sell gowns.. so went in and see see.. tried a few pieces.. so i decided to come to this shop with my aunt.. haha.. yupps. den went to kinokuniya.. (i think its spelled like this) den shop for books. lols. too many choice dunnoe wat to buy.. ended up buying To Kill A Mocking Bird and The Other Side Of The Story.. 30+ bucks. not bad lar.. hahas..

went to wisma again today with my other aunt.. annie jie jie.. went to try the clothes out.. again. lols. yes. but den this time more dresses.. and sorta decided wat i want.. yepps. 94.59 only. damn.. initially was 145.95 bucks.. lols.. but then long one like inappropriate cos gonna go play and ton after grad nite wat.. so a bit obstructive.. so chose the short one. haha.. quite nice u kno. (: hug body, tight fit one.. annie jie say my figure so nice must show.. -.-" lols.. den she choose one so hug body one lor.. haha. but nice lar.. lols.. den wear liao can see the shape.. lols.. so dumb lor.. haha.. den say must wear heels so that will look nice.. but then i so tall liao. wear heels somemore wait i look like some kinda weird and tall looking thing.. lols.. i olso dunnoe how.. den she say at least wear 2 inch one.. so ok lor.. wat to do. lols. so dumb lor. haha..

so tmr going there again with aunt mi mi. (she's gonna pay that's why. =D) hehe.. yepps. saved 50+ bucks for her. lols. so that means she's gonna help me buy the heels and shawl too. (((: so nice hor. who ask me to be so ren jian ren ai lols.. all so sayang me.. hehe.. good right.. ((: be jealoused. hahaha.

oh ya.. aunt mi mi olso got me a job! haha.. data logger. yepps. easy job man. no kick! haha.. typing ma.. i love it man. hehe.. i'll be busy busy busy! haha..

ohkay! next to trouble bout is X'mas! hahaha.. yepps.. needa think bout wat to wear and we're all thinking to come out and eat together.. hehe.. nice right.. haha.. yepps. anyway.. we all so free. haha.. so many mths nth to do. hahaha.. yepps..

and den will be new year. lols. omg.. so many troubles. haha..

and in between these, i might go learn salsa~ hehe.. and play tennis and golf and swimming. plan nice nice how to use my time. wanna join me? hehe.. call me.. im sure.. enqi! u must acc me. haha. yay! enqi promised. yay! (i promised me on her behalf) so yeahhh! hehe..

ok. so for now im gonna sleep! haha.. its like 12.49 liao. stil gotta wake up early tmr. hehe. gonna go church. haha. yepps. so yea.. good night ppl!

oh ya! DADDY AND MUMMY NOT IN TOWN. WOOT! IM LIKE FREE FOR 2 DAYS PLUS. HAHAHAHA! YAY! Go Wild girl!

-im in looove! not sure if he is but im.. haha! in looove with Him of cos.. but.. dat doesnt mean he is lar. its jus me. im in looove with Him. lols. im mad. dont mind me. sorrrrrrrrrt liao. lols. (((: i'll be waiting here. i promise. (: tho if i dont show it, im stil in love. ohkays? ((:

MY DEDICATIONS!!! (:

HARLOWS! haha.. can see right..? big enough right.. lols.. ok.. now i shall start. with my bestieS of cos. (:

ENQI! my bestie! haha.. thank you for being there for me all the time. thank you for like tolerating my absurd temper. thank you for all the "jing ji shi ke" lols.. asking u to bring pants and all. LOLS. ok. i shant elaborate. (: hmm.. thank you for ur listening ear. always there no matter what (even when i dont wanna say, she'll force it out somehow. lols.) i kno some times, my temper controls me and things start to go overboard,i kno we sometimes fight and argue over small small matter like ur chinese is better den mine and my english is better den urs and stuffs(its true tho. my english is the best! lols.) i kno sometimes, i get outta control and do things overboard, but im me.. and im sorry kays.. anyway!!! u kno, we can chat for hours! i wonder how possible is that. lols. we shop, eat, study, tuition, laze around, gossip, bad mouth, look at guys, laugh, cry and go mad together! lols. is that why your my bestie? lols. thank you thank you thank you. words cannot express my feelings i have. endless gratitude and thanks. i love u girl!! *muacks!* oi.. dont read until cry leh.. lols..

ok. now, yellow. guess who? lols. yes! HUIFEN!! My other bestie!! haha.. right.. this girl here is cute mans.. yes.. altho me and u are not as close as me and enqi.. but, still.. thank you for ur listening ear.. thank you for the happy happy times we had. thank you for the lame lame jokes.. haha.. yes.. we ALSO shop around together.. but, not as often.. yes, we olso gossip alot.. lols.. we laugh and cry, we talk crap and study together.. haha.. and we fail amaths together. lols. yes. we did. haha.. THANK YOU. and yes, i love u too. lols.. *MUACKS*

XUEHUI! lols. black. dunnoe if can see not.. cos my background is olso somewhat black in colour. anyways.. if cannot see then jus highlight this paragraph bahs! ok. thank you for the happy happy lame lame times we had together.. lols.. this girl here will suddenly ownself at there laugh one.. damn scary lor. haha.. but then she like business woman like dat.. everytime ask her go out then she will confirm have training one. lols.. so sao xing.. lols.. anyway.. yes.. thank you too. and i rufaf u! lols.. (my dog was barking so i went rufaf instead of love. lols. lame i kno. nvm.. -.-" )

NExt!the people closest to me other den my besties.

BENJAMIN LIM! lols.. dunnoe if u'll read this but.. yes.. thank you dear.. u've been a really nice friend. so nice dat u could tolerate my super bad temper.. thank you for being there. i kno its partly my fault we didnt work out.. im sorry ya.. sighs.. i dunnoe wat else to say.. thank you for all the lil' lil' things that u've done for me.. whether when we're together or not.. i can see and can definitely feel it. thank you. ((: god bless u.

MARK!! harlow dear.. thank you for ur perpetual company.. (: i really appreciate it ALOT. yes. im sorry we didnt work out either.. partly cos i value my friendship a lil' more then my love life. sighs.. stupid mistake i have to admit.. thank you for listening to my stupid and long and endless problems.. and despite ur own problems and stuffs around, u still came and listen to my problems and try and help me.. thank you thank you and stil thank you. (: and yes, UR TEMPER IS WORST DEN MINE. u must admit. lols. its true lor.. haha.. look at the way u scold ur sec 3s.. omg.. so scary.. lols.. hais.. we used to argue over small things and its u who always give in to me.. i olso have no idea why i always got angry with u.. sighs.. mayb i was too paranoid.. i cannot help it.. one's my friend, the other's the guy i love.. hard choice.. sighs.. anyway, THANK YOU!! i love u man! lols. (even named my dog chih wei. ((: )

next next next up is...

CHEN DA BIAN! lols. CHAN LIEN i mean. hehe. thank you too.. for being by me.. listening to me as i cry and stuffs.. haha.. so embarrassing lor.. haha.. omg. nvm.. hehe.. he always bully me one.. so bad hor.. anyway.. ur nice, very nice.. im sorry to make u sad and stuffs, i dont mean it.. i have a diff choice too.. sighs.. i hope u understand.. ur nice remember? (: thank you for ur BIG BIG POOH BEAR! altho its on the floor now (because the pooh is that big, i have almost no space to sleep on my QUEEN SIZE bed!) anyway.. thank you. its nice. very nice.. and the cake and all the lil' lil' things u did for me too. i might not show that i apprecaite it but i really do kays.. sorry for snapping at u at times.. sorry to make u angry at times.. sighs.. i cannot control myself.. sometimes i feel so stressed i feel like dying lar.. hais.. (ANYWAY, U CALLED ME A BITCH. )= ) haha. kks.. kidding.. didnt took that too hard even tho i remembered it. im not that petty lar!! haha.. thank you dear!! love ya loads~ eh.. no need to check here every day lar.. i happy only den blog de.. haha.. no need so loyal de lar.. haha. =P

hmm.. next.. who else..

gim yong! haha.. harlows.. thank you for listening to my problems.. thank you for showin care and concern for me.. i kno sometimes, or mayb most of the time i might vent my anger on u.. but i didnt do it on purpose kays.. sorry.. dont be sad.. im sure there is much much much better girls out there kays.. (saying to lien olso.. LIEN READ HERE!! lols. scared u cannot see so make big big.. biggest liao. hahas.) thank you thank you. (:

next! haha.. very long hors.. haha..

mary! lols.. this mo mo moronic moron! haha.. thank you too.. for listening to my problems olso.. haha.. and to give the stupid stupid advise.. haha. funny tho.. haha.. and we're the same remember?! haha.. yay! lols.. haha.. so funny.. lols.. and we laugh and tuition together.. haha.. and eat and erm.. wat else.. haha.. dunnoe wat else.. haha.. ok.. next..

BANANA! haha.. sabrina.. haha.. thank you for the times u accompany me at mac and going to tuition altho i kno that ur main intention is not to accompany me lar.. hahaha. yes.. dont be too sad.. break ups are compulsary to make ur heart more resistant to unhappiness. lols. wat rubbish. hehe. anyway.. dont be too sad lar.. (: oh ya.. i forgot! LAOGONG! lols..

NOEL NICOLE NG! lols. i remembered. see. how nice. haha. thank you too for being there.. and all ur comforting words.. really helped alot ya.. thank you.. (: im here too kkz.. (: yes. we belong "together".. lols.. noel nicole ng.. the name has been made nicer jus by adding nicole in it.. hmm.. interesting right.. how amazing.. ((: ok. anyway.. thank you and GOD BLESS ME. which olso means u. cos ur nicole.. and im noel. ok wateva.. haha.. (noel say that i should and must put my confirmation name as noel and he'll put his as nicole.. so ya.. haha..)

ok. boo. its getting late now.. its 10.41pm. i'll continue tmr. okies. i promise. those ppl i've left out today, i'll continue tmr kays.. i stil got paper tmr.. ): sighs.. ok. nights..! ((:

........................................

HARLOWS! today's 17.. and yes.. im here to coontinue my dedications. and yes.. of cos i must save the BEST for the last.. right? (:

ok.. lemme see.. who else..

YEEHWEE! surprise surprise surprise! lols.. yes.. how can i forget u? like i think my longest crush or sth.. lol.. =X ok shant go in to details.. ((: haha.. very nice guy u kno.. haha.. very handsome olso.. but a bit short arhs.. and very dao. i kno lar, yan dao olso no need so dao right.. hehe.. nvm lar.. hot enough.. hehhs.. thank you for listening to my problems olso.. tho only a few times but yes, still thank you.. eh.. ppl.. u dont see he like dumb dumb like dat.. he quite expert in these stuffs one u kno. haha.. like very exprienced.. haha.. altho he denies it lar.. hehe.. how we all kno.. he's waiting for his princess to arrive.. hor hor hor? ok why princess? its cos he said he'll treat his gf like a princess and pamper her and be nice nice to her.. so sweet hor.. *aww* haha.. remember to tell me who hor.. lols.. good luck hunk.. im sure u'll find ur princess.. (:

GWEN! sighs.. i wonder why we end up like being total strangers.. but, yes.. im really really happy to have known u and stuffs.. thank you for being there when i needed some one and stuffs like dat.. sighs.. its a pity we ended up like dat.. we could have been best of best of friends.. we used to be the closest friends.. campcraft and stuffs.. sighs.. anyway.. im sorry if i'd caused those lil' misunderstandings between u and mark.. the truth is, the day i decided to let him go, i've absolutely no intention of wanting him back.. not that he's something to push around but.. yeaa.. but i must agree, getting over him was the hardest part, we're all girls and u should kno that letting go is not easy.. im sorry ya? best of luck! u should really trust him more. ((:


BOYFRIEND!! haha.. grace! PFF. lols.. grace.. u've been a wonderful friend, apart frm being an asshole at times.. haha.. she very nice u kno.. go to church with me.. (to see stephanie of cos) hahaha! well.. and god of cos.. and studies with me at mac.. haha.. ppl actually thot she's my bf lar.. haha.. but ya.. my honour to have such a handsome bf.. hahaha.. thank you too.. for everything u kno.. the irritating times and the laugh out loud times.. haha.. GOD BLESS ME. and a lil of u lar. hahaha. =P

yes yes.. and guo wei and joachim and kenneth leong and rong chang and hui min and mei yi and hui ping and aizhen and syaz and chee how and yeow ching and kenny and siva and mira and all every body!! ahh.. i cannot recall any more names.. im sorry if i left u out.. ya?

weehong! haha.. harlows. i doubt u'll read this but anyway here it goes.. thank you for being my friend too.. and erm.. tho we dont talk often, im sure its fine.. lols. so lame. ok.. he's a really nice guy u kno.. but then sometimes very dao.. haha.. hmm.. olso very yan dao hor.. but then too skinny liao.. haha.. i dunnoe wat else to say.. lols.. ok.. i enjoy ur company alot.. u kno.. go shop around and play pool and ice skate and stuffs.. oh ya. he's a liar!! haha.. he say he dunnoe how to skate.. but then end up skate better then me.. tho i olso dunnoe how to skate lar.. haha.. cannot tell right.. haha.. he can play like almost everything lar.. haha.. bball.. volleyball.. pool.. ice skate.. haha.. lame.. kkz.. done..

NOW! the BEST PART!! haha.. THIS IS THE BEST PART. NOT THE ONE BEFORE KKZ. i know wat u guys are thinking lor.. haha.. yes the best part is..

THANK YOU ALL. im so happy and honoured to have known u peeps! hehe.. will miss ya all loads and loads.. sighs.. time passes really really fast.. haha.. oh well.. see ya!


Graduation By Vitamin C
---------------

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And we got so blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
Come whatever
We will still be friends forever

La, la, la, la:Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:

We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly.