zealousness

Lost in wondering contemplation

yeah. lost. this contemplation is killing me. i just cant take it anymore.

just because i value friendships more than anything else. just because i cannot go against my conscience. sighs.

today, went to church. then i was early. and so i went up to sit alone. and then SUBRA came and attended with me. and then BENJY came and sat beside me. it was kinda awkward laah. but, oh wells. and then benjy was flipping the psalm book. and i happened to glance across. and, i saw..

but it goes against the way i am, to put my human nature down. and god's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

it is so true. it goes against the way i am. my thoughts, my words and my actions. and god's soft prompting is easily ignored. im impeached, really am. sighs. i am only a human, but these trials keep on coming my way. it's not that i lose my self-esteem, it's not that i have no confidence in myself, it's not that i wanna give up on myself, it's not that i havent been thinking for myself. sometimes, i tried. tried to think about of myself before others, tried to regain my confidence, and tried to find myself.

this zealousness in me is impalementing me. like it's turning my rights to make my decision into an obligation. and this obligation sucks.

&*^*&;^%$#$%^&*(;%^$#!#$#%^&**(*&^%$#!#$%^!&*(&^!%#!%#$!*^$&*)(*^@!!!!!!!

infatuation sucks. especially because i like you and i know i shouldnt have in the first place. because it's not right to like someone with a girlfriend, i know it's different now, but because i value friendships more than myself. this contemplation is killing me, this imperceivable affection is clouding my mind. i am losing my sanity. baah!

ilikeyou. ((:

now, i feel like..

3 SCHOOLS I WENT TO:
xingnan pri
hong kah sec
millennia institute

3 THINGS I PUT INTO MY BAG:
handphone
wallet
mirror

3 THINGS I DO WHEN I AM STRESSED:
blast my music
read my books
go crazy

3 PLACES I GO TO ON A DAILY BASIS:
school
westmall
my room

3 FAVOURITE FRUITS:
apple
mango
seedless grapes

3 TYPES OF MY FAVOURTIE FOOD:
cabonara
katong laksa
fish and chips

3 NAMES I GO BY:
nic
ah girl
nicole jiejie

3 THINGS I AM WEARING NOW:
t-shirt
short shorts
undergarments -.-

WHO'S IN THE HOUSE WTH ME:
mummy
daddy
nick
earthfy

WHO AM I THINKING OF RIGHT NOW:
the contemplation

WHO DID I LAST TALK TO ON THE PHONE:
mandy

WHO DID I SIT WITH DURING MY 5TH PERIOD CLASS:
monday econs- depends, charissa and binxiang or jack and sam.
tuesday chinese- hazel
wednesday ht- hazel
thursday hist- depends too
friday gp- hazel

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON I TOLD THAT I LOVED:
God

WHO DO I WISH I AM WITH RIGHT NOW:
nobody

ARE YOU ATTACHED:
nope ((:

NO, WHEN WAS YOUR LAST BREAK UP:
011005

WHO GETS ON TO MY NERVES IN SCHOOL:
neh, that stupid chinese teacher loh

WHERE IS MY PHONE:
main phone in my room
spare phone beside me

WHERE DO I SLEEP:
on my QUEEN SIZED bed

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING I ATE:
choco mini peppermint ((:

WHAT COLOUR SHIRT AM I WEARING:
white

WHAT IS THE CLOSET ITEM NEXT TO ME THAT IS BLUE:
my spare phone

WHAT DO I LIKE MOST ABOUT SCHOOL:
f-r-i-e-n-d-s!

WHAT IS MY FAVOURITE COLOUR:
isnt it obvious?
orange and lime green!

WHAT DO I WEAR OFTEN JEANS/SHORTS:
shorts

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE I WATCHED:
the break up

WHO DID I WATCHED IT WITH:
jack and sam

WHEN DID I START SCHOOL:
when i was 3 or 4

WHEN DID I LAST GO TO THE MALL:
mall, what mall? oh. yesterday.



feel the intensity of my boredom.
byebye, i am going jurong point.
pizza for dinner. mmhmm! =D