emo

tomorrow shall be my hardest time.

it has been a year now, nicole's trying really hard not to shed a drop a tear. nicole's a strong girl.


i've always thought im always right. but thing was never as simple as i thought it was.
nicole is a lousy person. all i do is to think im right. thinking that i have a heart that loves him and that was all it mattered. i've never really put myself in his shoes. tho i really do not know what his reasons were. i keep thinking that i spared a thought for his feelings, but what does it mean to spare a thought for his feelings?


i spent my year living in guilt and denial. i guess its time i move on. i've cried til my tears dried up, til my pillows turn yellow, til my heart shattered. i've been backtracking so much, the tracks caught fire and the path was charred. i've been thinking so much, brains cells are used up, my mind is blank. where has our memories gone?


they say life is a box of chocolates. i couldnt agree more. we'll never know what we might get. the chocolates look all the same, but when you eat it, it can taste really bitter, or it can taste really sweet. i suppose i've ate enough bitter ones. and i've started to have a liking for them. it aint really that bad after all. maybe im so used to eating bitter chocolates, im starting to loathe the sweet ones. or maybe i never liked sweet chocolates. but for some reasons, same time last year, i've decided to try eating sweet chocolates, and find that they're not that bad. however, sweet chocolates taste a little too sweet after some time, for me i guess.


i am ever so grateful i have a friend like jack. (: everytime when this shit happens, he'll forever be there to enlighten me. so to say. and he says: dont let the past affect you so much. this, is one thing i'll never be able to do. no matter how i try, i just dont know why. maybe this heart, is not giving up yet.


you are always so near, yet so far. my tears are always so close to falling. my mind is always full of your presence, and tonight, i wonder if im in your thoughts. if i ever knew that was the last time your gonna hold me so close to you, i'd wish time would never flow; to stop there, where bliss is embracing me.


you are my greatest mistake. my decision was my greatest regret.


i feel extremely stupid, i think i should just go and die.




counting down: 40 minutes



11:20pm
6th of July 2006