sighs.

As i was flipping thru my drawer, i came upon this lil' bag.. ok.. more like a SMALL pouch.

i was thinking, this pouch looks sooo familiar.. so i opened it.. and.. URGH!

this lil' bag belongs to seventh july two thousand and five.. or should i say first october two thousand and five. sighs.. inside this bag is what i suppose i want to forget. perhaps forget is not appropriate, let go might be a better word.

this bag is a tiny transparent bag with lil' holes on it.. it has a black zipper and hook. and inside this bag, there are ten, TEN, 10 things inside. these ten things fit nicely inside this pouch. JUST nice. big and small. valuable and the NOT SO valuable. meaningful and the NOT SO meaningful. happy memories and the sad memories. his love and my love. my promise and his promise. it was once our promise.

ok. after saying SO much. i bet u guys are going.. DAMN IT. jus tell us wat is inside man! haha. and i bet if he is reading this, he might oredy guess what is inside. how amazing can it get. this lil' bag can make me think so much. especially with those few smses yesterday and what he asked. i started pondering, i started thinking bout why these events kept on repeating itself. First time and Second time. and then i realised, the fault lies within me. i am jus too paranoid. im loving too much. im so afraid of reality. im scared of losing. after the first heart break, it was a long period of time. one year, in fact, more den a year. i once told myself, to ignore the fears i have in me and give my all to the next. i told myself, forget but wat i am afraid of. i try and try.. i made him wait, and there was one period i told myself not to commit ever again. but there's was this other feeling and voice inside me, telling me to give it another try. perhaps thing might work out this time. i open my heart to love once more, but true enough, my fears set in. and this eventually led to seperation. oh well. yepps. it true..

for the past few months, i've been telling myself that only i will give and not recieve. that is why, i am holding back. holding back on what might work out. i dunnoe.. i didnt dare to try. so i did not try. i jus sat there and kept quiet, altho i kno he oredy knows, i didnt dare to speak a word. altho they say he likes me too, i didnt wan to believe. i'd rather he dont like me, i'd rather he doesnt kno a thing, i'd rather myself to admire him without him knowing. i'd rather i did not crush him. i'd rather i did not know him. i'd rather he did not know me. i can only give and not recieve. i dont wan to recieve. i want to love, i dont want to be loved.

some people dream of being loved all the time, but they dont know what love may bring. it brings heartbreak, it brings tears. it brings misunderstanding, it brings lies. it brings broken friendship, it brings enemies. it brings hatred, it brings denial. it brings lonliness, it brings blood. it brings betrayal, it brings sadness. it brings solitude, it brings suffering.

isnt love supposed to be sweet and happy and all? isnt love supposed to bring joy and happiness, hugs and kisses, peace and harmony, warmth and cuddles, trust and confidence, loyalty and understanding?

fairytale, ABSURD. what is fairytale? lies. yes, fairytales are lies. whatever with the happily ever after thing. it nvr happens. fairytales are meant for lil' children who dreams of neverland. fairytales are meant for people who have schizophrenic. it is meant for those who refuse to face reality. why do fairytales always starts with a long long time ago, or long before your time?? i tell you. because it nvr happens, because there is no such thing, because there is not a fix place and time where happily ever after come true. sighs, life is ardous..













inside the bag, there's..
a baby photo;
Queen of hearts;
a bookmark;
a pick;
a movie ticket;
a pig hangie thing for the phone;
another pair of pig hangie thing (which i meant to give him but i didnt obviously..);
a necklace;
and a ring.



((: good day.