Damn unfair.

SIGHS. December.

the last month of the year.. i thot as the year ends, all my troubles and sad memories will go together with 2005. but apparently, no and its all resurfacing.

nvm bout it resurfacing, but my mum's super unreasonable. i mean like, does she even kno how hard is it to even FIND a job? i went thru so much trouble to find this job.. i jus wanna go out and spend my time usefully rather than jus lazing at home, i wanna do sth.. why cant she understand? why must she always go against me? hello~ im 16 years old alr pls.. other 16 years olds have their parents' trust and support to do things they wanna. what bout mine? restricting me in everything i do. EVERYTHING. so wat if imma girl?! im stil a human right? i stil breathe like every other stupid guys right.. i eat and sleep like all other guys right?? why is she always saying imma girl therefore i cannot do this, do that? i know wat im doing okay.. i know who is the good guy and who is not!! i can SEE for MYSELF. cant i make the friends i wanna make? so wat if enqi goes to china black? so what man? its not like she's gonna betray her body or wat right??! why does she think of the BAD ones as good ppl?! she doesnt even know kay!! xuehui is a bitch lor. she thinks xuehui is a good girl and all. MY FREAKING FOOT man. its because she has no FRIENDS to accompany her out. and ALL OF HER FRIENDS ARE GANGSTERS pls!! out until 1 plus almost everyday, crush on the ugliest gangsters, speak like a freaking ah lian, act like a total bitch and hang out with all the disgusting ppl. and to think my mum treat her as a DECENT girl. PER LEASE lor. i finally got a job and now she's not letting me go. damn it. asshole. so damn unreasonable lor. what the hell is wrong with her man. treating the good as the bad. treating the bitch as the good. where is her eyes man?! slap me for sth i didnt do. and its all because of that bitch again. she told my mum i went to china black. I SWEAR I DID NOT GO OKAY. i've got witnessES man. ask huimin, ask enqi, ask weehong, ask gimyong, ask jianming, ask cheehow, ask lien, ask joachim, ask guowei, ask rongchang, ask yeowching, ask khaifang, ask huifen, ask yeehwee, ask johnson. DAMN IT. i tell her the truth and she didnt believe me. like wtf?! and she slapped me lar. it was the first time i cried when she slapped me okay.. i was damn disappointed lar. she believed an outsider. she'd rather believe a bitch den to believe her OWN DAUGHTER. why is she always doing this to me?! am i not her flesh and blood? i'd rather not to be on this earth man. damn it. FUCK. i'd rather i was not born. i'd rather she gave me away the minute i came to earth. i'd rather she had a miscarriage and lose me instead, i'd rather she aborted me away. in her eyes, there's only nicholas nicholas nicholas. despite him being a nuisence and bastard and all, its always nicholas nicholas nicholas. then why bother bout me so much man? jus chase me outta the house lar, give me away lar, put me in the orphanage lar. disown me lar. everytime only say im a great disappointment. say i useless, say im good for nth. only care bout her face, scared i throw her face, afraid to let ppl kno im her daughter, see me as a good for nth idiot who always let her worry. like nicholas did not like dat lor.. so wat if his psle got higher then me?! so wat man.. in the end olso frm first class drop to third class.. in hte end olso become a stupid babarian.. every word that comes out of his stupid mouth is vulgarities, look at porn stuffs on the net, everyday act like a stupid gangster, he got camp only den let him go, got chalet only then let him go, got party olso let him go.. everything olso he can do.. i must beg like a stupid pile of shit den she'll even start to consider letting me go.. i get trophy she olso dont care, i get gold and everything she olso dont even bother.. nvr even make it a point to look at my trophy.. my maths get high marks she olso didnt bother.. get low a bit only then she start nagging like my maths have always been poor.. my english get 60+ she say its lousy, she think so easy to score is it? DO IT YOURSELF LAR. damn it. i do good, she dont bother, i do badly then only she start to bark.. she thinks she understands me so well, truth is, SHE KNOWS NUTS. wat the hell does she kno??! all she knows is nicholas is a good boy. disgusting! when it comes to nicholas, she doesnt slap, she doesnt beat, she doesnt scold, she doesnt punish. everytime only ask me to do things, in the end olso nvr say thank you. why doesnt she ask nicholas to do it? because he is too young. FORGOODNESS SAKE MAN. HE IS 13 YEARS OLD. THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. at the age of 13, i was sweeping the floor, washing the dishes, hanging the clothes and folding the clothes pls.. isnt he more useless then i am?? why am i always the one getting scolded?? i get scolded for EVERYTHING. even things i did not do. and most of the time, it was nicholas who created the fucking problem. and i'll have to carry the blame. so what if im 3 years older? so wat?? den i'd rather i be 3 years younger then him, i'd rather i wasnt even here. doesnt even treat me like her daughter lor.. one day, when i cannot take it no more, i'll pack my bag and run away. i swear i'll do it. i'll go to my grandma's house, at least there they love me. or mayb i'll jus go some where she'll nvr be able to find me. she sucks lar. damn it.

on top of these unreasonable stuffs, my friends are treating me like a stupid joke. treating me like a stupid clown. making me feel so unwanted.. treating me so coldly, making me feel like a stupid clown.. like i've been made used of.. sth to pass their time.. said their always there for me.. but when i need someone, they are nvr there.. i had to cry myself to sleep everytime.. i had to cry alone.. i had to sit behind my door and cry.. wat are friends for then? sighs.. they're there so they can mock at me.. so they can run me down more.. so they can laugh at the sight of my pitiful self.. sighs.. my life is a complete SHIT man. damn it.