reality is mean

reality is mean. super mean. it is when ur down den u'll realise, the ppl whom u thot cared for u and who are always there, are the ones who hoped u'd die faster. and their olso the ones who enjoy looking and laughing at u when ur at ur lowest. yes, im at my lowest now. im super down on my luck, everythings starts to go wrong and everyone pointing their finger at me.. i wonder why do such stuffs happen.. reality is disgusting lar.

it is when u've experienced it, that ur able to tell how egoistic and selfish can ppl get. if they dont get wat they want, they'll try their utmost best to ruin it. its like if u cant have em, ruin em! yes. i can see it. if they dont get u, and ur at ur lowest, they'll run u down and start pouring cold water. but fret not, uh uh.. i am not giving up so soon. i dont give up, i kno that im right and i did nothing wrong.

wrong, perhaps breaking up is wrong. i dunnoe. whatever lorr.. reality sucks big time!

humans are just so two headed.. as in two headed thing(i didnt wanna use animal, cos animals are nice creatures.) they pretend to care for u but inside their hearts, they want u dead. im not only refering to who i think i am now.. but its all everybody. this happens to me too. SOMETIMES. we're all human. perhaps its human nature.. i dunnoe.. but as u read this post, think deep, recall. did u not once habour this thot? oh well.. this is why ppl have schizophrenic behaviour. we all dislike reality cos it stinks.

this sucks. jus when i was accused of flirting with some guy whom obviously i DID not.. some other guy comes up to me and tells me imma bitch. uh perhaps he didnt say, but i bet thats wat he's thinking inside him. like whatever, i dont give no SHIT. say what u want man. u haven met enough ppl. if imma bitch, then some one else i kno is like wat? bitch square? uh whatever.. is it me or only him? cos i realise he's the only one treating me like imma huge criminal of all times.. i think its only him lar ah.. he's gotta problem man.. he resembles mark when i broke with mark the last time. omg.. see i told u.. guys are all the same.. same pile of shit.. uh uh.. its true.. they only care bout themselves.. yupps. but mark turned nice.. ((: well at least wat i think lar.. but guys will always be reduced to bastards lar.. so why bother..?

behind every bitch, there's a bastard who made her that way.. think bout it.. ((:

that other guy doesnt even bother lar.. i feel he has changed.. serious.. different, not some one i used to know.. he's becoming super wary bout things.. yes, serious. b4, during and after camp. i feel i dunnoe him, at all. tho we were once very close.. its like a whole new stranger standing infront of me. some thing is in between us. something that might severe this friendship. if i too were as paranoid and wary like him, i think this will be our end.. im trying super hard to avoid agruments and unesscessary stuffs.. but he jus doesnt back away.. keep on rubbing in and all being so dao and indifferent.. acting so nonchalent.. aye i dunnoe.. this jus sucks.. i bet he thinks im enjoying life right now, with a new crush and friends and all.. he doesnt kno.. he'll nvr kno.. i bet he thinks i've changed.. i bet he thinks i suck.. i bet he's gloating away now.. i bet he'll read this and come and tell me all this are not true.. i bet he doesnt kno he's hurting me soo so much.. i bet he thinks imma bitch.. sighs..

i am a human too. a very sick and tired person.. during the healing process, i hope to forgive him.. i dunnoe if i did.. not that he's been a bastard while being with me but u kno he lied and sutffs.. i thot it didnt matter, but it did actually, quite a lot.. so i hoped i could put that down.. now, i dunnoe if i did already.. i didnt kno it could actually hurt so much after so long.. it hurt so much, i actually cried out loud lar.. how shameful.. my mom slapped me for the first time and i didnt cry out loud lar.. i was only sobbing lor.. how sickening.. crying because of a guy.. mayb because i was sorry too.. i dunnoe.. mixed up emotions here and there..

perhaps i too have changed, but i dunnoe.. after the healing and outpouring processes, i thot we all should live in fellowship eternally and not being so wary bout things.. sighs.. i dunnoe.. reality sucks..