this is a tittle

okay, i decided i shall
blog somemore since i
cant go to bed, and im
feeling better and the rain
has ceased from falling hard.

anyways,
christmas is coming.
it's around the corner.
twelve more days.
and i havent done shopping.
only because daddy is useless.
okay i shant say anymore.
he's still daddy no matter what.
and i hate him still.

because he doesnt keep this
word "family" in his head.
only because he is selfish.
only because he fails to be what
i always saw him as in my head.

mummy doesnt think i care.
only because she's too busy
clearing the mess daddy made.
and then they'll shout at each other,
thinking that children dont care.

but at the age of seventeen, i know
better than to cause more worries.
and i olso see things from a clearer
perspective and realise that lil things
mummy and daddy do can hurt alot.

and, im at a age whereby i need to
learn to accept certain things i
refused to accept a few years back.

i need to learn to face the fact
that we're not so financially able
anymore because of insensible
decisions made by someone
which led to a financial disorder.

i need to learn to face the fact
that i grew up in a family where
criticisms are forms of encouragment
so i cannot get too hurt although
it really stabs my whole being.

i need to learn to face the fact
that my brother is fourteen
and he's bloody immature,
so i cannot get offended despite
his tries to get me all red and angry.

i need to learn to face the fact
that i am an older sister,
and naturally my parents will
favour the younger one although
it's fucking annoying all the time.

i need to learn to face the fact
that mummy and daddy arent
really honest with eachother anymore.
and that relationships have been
strained too many a times.

actually, im just ranting.
cos my mind's so bloody
blank and reminising.

im proud, i ranted in such
a civilised manner yall
must have thought i was
really mature. hehh.

by the way,
im not ignoring
msges and calls but
rather, too confused to
reply or pick up calls.
confused with stuffs that's
not really needed but it
happens all the time.

and if you wanna say sorry,
you'd make sure you mean
it and not repeat it again.
cos it'll make me lose my
trust in your words. uh hur.