Oh My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

it's been ages since i last felt like this.
and i so hope, this feeling will go away soon.

i couldnt figure out why i cried at jack's.
i couldnt figure out why i felt so emo,
while talking to Rebecca on the second night.

but now, i know why.
there's this certain someone in my life,
who's so useless and irresponsible.
and he disappoints me so so much.

so much for being the man i love most.
so much for being the one who doted on me most.
so much for being a responsible person.
so much for loving the family.

this certain someone just came back
only a few days ago, and i only saw him once.
and today, he's somewhere out there,
gone missing again.

and if he has so much money to
fly about and smoke and drink and play around,
why dont he just clear his debts and pay his bills?
instead of giving and spending it on some China girl.

oh, did i tell you how much i hate China women?
they are nothing but sluts who go around
trying to break families up and hurt people.
and i will put them so low down under my feet.
i despise them, and i think they are so pathetic.
simply a disgrace and shame of all nations.

oh yes, just when i was feeling so emo,
i picked up my phone and called Jack.
so i asked if he was free, and he said not really.
so i hung up and started writing.
then i had this thought,
heh, so much for always being here for me.

not to forget, i happened to pray and asked God
for help on this particular matter just two days ago.
but nothing ever changes cos it's happening again.
so i had this thought again,
heh, so much for favouring this child ya.

i feel burdened with loads that dont belong to me.
and i dont like this feeling at all.
it's no wonder i cry and feel like wtfish is wrong.

no, God aint helping me, least i dont think He is.
and yes, i do feel like an outcast Adam.
and of cos, i've been pondering why,
why do things like this happen to me all the time?
and if these shits keeps on coming,
how will i, when will i, be able to let go of my baggages?
how can i serve God with all my heart and soul,
without putting this baggages in His everlasting arms?

i dont want to feel like God's forsaken me.
i dont need a reason to be angy with God.
i dont want to be angry with Him at all.

and thank you BLOGGER,
you always been there when i need to vent.