im in an ugly mood.

you've read it. the world is full of losers.
losers that dont have a mind of their own.
losers that cannot think for themselves.
losers who are so emo they cry over everything.
losers who want to be everything they're not.
losers that go around cheating people,
thinking that karma is just nothing but shit.
losers that go around thinking that
every other girl is out to snatch her guy.
losers who cannot take break ups as it comes.
losers who doesnt spare a thought for others.
losers that get so emo about not getting a boyfriend.
and i realised there're quite a few around me.
losers like these, i think, they are pathetic.

hello excuse me,
tolerating has a limit and mine is short.
i will burn these losers so bad,
they turn so charred and ugly.

and i beg your pardon.
it's not my fault i dont have money.
fine, if you think i'd rather go out with jack.
infact, i think i would rather go out with jack.
jack is much more considerate than you are.

so much for being my best friend for so long eh.
you dont even sympathise with my situation.
what kinda bestfriend you call yourself eh?

i dont care if you can pay for me or not. i dont even care.
if you got money. cos read this, i do have my principles.
and i will not want you to pay for me. please respect me.
so what you have money now eh, you arent really big.
im not some kinda beggar please. im supposed to be
your best friend whom i can relate with.

i do have my backbones and self-respect.
if i dont have the ability to do what i want,
then i wont, i wait until i can afford what i want.

it's okay if you dont understand the shit im in now,
cos prolly you have a daddy who loves you enough.
and might never have to experience what im in.
cos you know what, i dont give a shit about you.

maybe you'ld like to get another wealthier bestfriend.
so she can go out with you when you've got money.

thank you but i think i can do without you fine.

and someday, im gonna grow up in a world
where money aint gonna be a problem for me.

i would appreciate some peace now.
honey, im feeling like an ugly toad.

white christmas(:

this is cynthia.


and this is jack.

and i think, they look funny.
omson, constantine.
i cannot stop laughing. hahaha.
i wanted to go bird face!!
but one is my FRIEND,
the other is my BOYFRIEND.
and considering that im always
nice person, i shall refrain from doing so.

i am bored.
i wanna go tanning.
i wanna go gymming.
i wanna go swimming.
i wanna go skating.



i need money.

you are my sunshine(:

my only sunshine(:


you make me happy when skies are grey(:


you never know dear(:


how much i love you(:


please dont take(:



my sunshine away(:

i like minute maid limeade=)

bad jack!

i woke up at 16:32
wahahahahahas.
and then i had too many smses
i didnt know which to reply.
and of so many smses,
none was from my honeypot. =/
time is 22:17 and im tired. lol.
i can get bored to death at this rate.
somebody, get me outta my house.
i wanna go shopping shopping lahs.

oms, i dont wanna dine on top of
mount faber already. dont want dont want.
lol. i dont wanna go mount faber anymore.
i wanna go erh, -insert place here- . =)
aiya, im uber bored. tsktsk.
and i just realised today is a saturday
like one hour ago, no wonder it felt longer
than usual and nobody's online at all. =/

omson, imissjack.

to make you feel my love - josh kelley [originally by garth brooks]

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

it spells: hage O tea

hello. i know i blogged, but..

i find him superultramega hot.


so i had to blog again.


to share my guy with you.


# i chope him.
jesse mccartney <3

my baby :)

he's coming!
he's coming!
he's coming!
yay! he's coming!
santa's coming!
happiness yay!

woohoo!
im in the xmas spirit,
and you know what.
i cant wait for xmas to faster come.

hugs and kisses and
presents and parties and
food and drinks and
church and caroling and
smiles and love and
friends and familes and
xmas trees and mistle toes and
santa claus and rudolph and
log cakes and turkey and
ham and bacon and
giving and recieving and
wines and cokes and
fun and sleep and
new clothes and new shoes and
christmas is coming and
of cos the birthday boy.
i love Jesus. =)
ooooh christmas is coming!

yes yes, feel the christmas spirit.
ooooh i love christmas oh so much.
it's like the best time of the year lah!
i wanna spend christmas this year,
dining on top of mount faber. =D
tsk, i know you read this space.
whee im so excited excited lah.
twelve days of christmas,
and there's so much to do.
and, i dont have money. =(

my Mr Boyfriend abandoned me
for some chalet with his friends.
ohohoh, but i like yesterday night. (:

i wanna watch the sunrise =/
you know what, i'll run away with
anyone who'll bring me to watch
the sunrise.

im going to the zoo, zoo, zoo.
how about you, you, you?
eh i wanna go to the zoo zoo zoo.
enqi, wanna go to the zoo zoo zoo?
let's go with fen fen fen.
qi'll pay for us us us.
eh shit, its damn addictive lah.
im going to the zoo zoo zoo.
how about you you you?

someone teach me,
how do you make money your slave?

# moii miish euu
wahahahahahaha.
so bloody insulting but i dont care.

this is a tittle

okay, i decided i shall
blog somemore since i
cant go to bed, and im
feeling better and the rain
has ceased from falling hard.

anyways,
christmas is coming.
it's around the corner.
twelve more days.
and i havent done shopping.
only because daddy is useless.
okay i shant say anymore.
he's still daddy no matter what.
and i hate him still.

because he doesnt keep this
word "family" in his head.
only because he is selfish.
only because he fails to be what
i always saw him as in my head.

mummy doesnt think i care.
only because she's too busy
clearing the mess daddy made.
and then they'll shout at each other,
thinking that children dont care.

but at the age of seventeen, i know
better than to cause more worries.
and i olso see things from a clearer
perspective and realise that lil things
mummy and daddy do can hurt alot.

and, im at a age whereby i need to
learn to accept certain things i
refused to accept a few years back.

i need to learn to face the fact
that we're not so financially able
anymore because of insensible
decisions made by someone
which led to a financial disorder.

i need to learn to face the fact
that i grew up in a family where
criticisms are forms of encouragment
so i cannot get too hurt although
it really stabs my whole being.

i need to learn to face the fact
that my brother is fourteen
and he's bloody immature,
so i cannot get offended despite
his tries to get me all red and angry.

i need to learn to face the fact
that i am an older sister,
and naturally my parents will
favour the younger one although
it's fucking annoying all the time.

i need to learn to face the fact
that mummy and daddy arent
really honest with eachother anymore.
and that relationships have been
strained too many a times.

actually, im just ranting.
cos my mind's so bloody
blank and reminising.

im proud, i ranted in such
a civilised manner yall
must have thought i was
really mature. hehh.

by the way,
im not ignoring
msges and calls but
rather, too confused to
reply or pick up calls.
confused with stuffs that's
not really needed but it
happens all the time.

and if you wanna say sorry,
you'd make sure you mean
it and not repeat it again.
cos it'll make me lose my
trust in your words. uh hur.

The Raindrops Are Falling Hard Tonight.

call me emo, i dont care.
oh and i've given up trying
to sign in to the bloody messenger.

yeah emo kid, rant.

wtf, i dont like quarrels.
and you know what,
i dont give a shit anymore.

see, there're many things that i appreciate.
i like knowing he's there.
i like him wiping my tears away.
i like him doing all he did for me.
i like him being jealous cos i know he cares.
i like him caring when my skirt's too short.

but i dont like knowing the fact
that i have someone, but this person
was never there when i needed.
i dont like him getting angry over nothing.
i dont like him keeping quiet all of a sudden.
i dont like arguing, it fucking hurts us.
i dont like being tied down and restricted.
i dont like being alone at night with
bloody lightnings and thunders rolling and rolling.

now i tell you what i'd like him to do.
i'd like him to be more attentive.
i'd like him to be more sensitive.
i'd like him to be close when lightnings
and thunders roll thru the night.
i'd like him to understand my needs.
i'd like him to be more considerate.
i'd like him to be there and, do something
when i tell him all my problems.
i'd like him to do lil lil things to make me smile.
i'd like him to want to do what i want to do,
not just go along because i want to do what i want.

all i know is nothing's gonna change.
cos maybe i matter too lil compared
to his games and soccers and friends.

i know myself too well.
im shit stubborn, super self-centered
bloody insensitive, damn unreasonable
fucking rebellious and want it my way all the time.
i know i have my faults each time this happens.
either i too stubborn, or im just being me.

to hell with this emo shit.
im gonna bed. 22:12.
the phone's ringing,
and i dont even care.

rain falls hard tonight.
the thunder rolls on and on.
lightning just keeps flashing nonstop.
and you're not even here honey.

For Poorer Or For Richer

Too Good To Be By A New Found Glory

I wonder, what life would be like
If my shoulder
Could bare the weight of all this adding up
I feel, the breaking point
It's close enough, it's feeling real again

You have my heart in your hands
You have my heart so don't, don't let it go
Check my pressure
Patch me right up, you're too good to be

It's true, we both make sacrifices
There's proof, it came as no surprise
It boiled up, as we always let it do.
We made it through again. (:

---

nah uh, i didnt thought i would find
a song that'll describe so vividly,
the shit i am in right now.
---

//edited.
COME SUPPORT URBAN BREED
AT THE MONTE GUSTO @ DXO
this thursday, 14/12/06.
tickets at $18!! sixteen and above.

okay SEE, LIEN, im nice. i helped advertise.
GO SUPPORT URBAN BREED OKAY.
---

i love my honeypot, mmhmm, so much.
altho he's always busy with the computer.
i could spend three hours with him,
doing nothing at all, and yet feel satisfied.
mmhmm, cos i love my honeypot.

and yes, thank you honey.
for standing by me always.
and i love my honeypot.
always and always. <3

feeling like an emo shit.

when you dont get all the attention
you want from your boyfriend,
you turn and become some emo piece of shit.
especially when you think your period's coming.

mmhmm. i really am emo.
i could cry all night, and become suicidal.
im going into a state of autism,
where i confide and rant at myself.

dont talk to me.

You're My Lover =)

it just occured to me,
that being a guy aint just
about good looking or not.
it's about whether you can
play instruments well or whether
you can play sports well or not.

and, it's not just sports.
we all know every guy can
play soccer and basketball.
im talking about sports like say,
water polo or hockey, or maybe
say, canoeist. yeah, what else?

instruments does not include
some dumb recorder played
waaaaay back in primary school.
instruments meaning, drums,
and piano, and violin, and guitar.

now, i love drummer who plays hockey.

# bring me santa, i'll be good.

Hello Princess Nicole=)

ever wondered that,
if our Daddy God is King,
then all we Sons and Daughters,
of the Heavenly King are all
Princes and Princesses!

nownow,
say hello to Princess Nicole.

anyohows, i think that,
being neglected feels shitty.
and i dont like feeling neglected.
it makes me feel.. unwanted,
forgotten, and.. lousy. sighs.

nah uh, i dont wanna feel neglected.
and it's not my fault i feel this way.
it's like feeling neglected is not enough,
argues just have to find its way in between,
and try and sow discords along the way.

since that man came home,
my brother cannot use the other laptop.
and complains to that woman.
and now that woman wants me to let
him use this laptop, in my room.
im already so damn bored using laptop.
now, what am i gonna do without the laptop?
i think i should go to bed. yes, 21:33.

good night reality.


i called out, and nobody sees me.
i shouted, and there's no response.
i cried, and no one seems to sense.
i yearned, and hopes are dashed.
i smiled, cos i saw despair looking my way.

I Just Called To Say ILoveYou.

i wanted to blog since yesterday
and when i finally get to blog,
i cant think of what to blog.

oh oh oh,
i think i know, wait wait.
lemme think, im thinking.
oh yes, i remembered!
i love you honey. =)

hahahahahahahaha,
oh yes, i finally went for Volley.
and yes, what perfect training.
monday friendly against
some secondary school in tempanies.
gees, friendly my ass.

nevermind bout that,
i need a job to up my cash.
it's not entirely my fault lah.
my wishlist just wont stop growing.
i simply dont know the reason why.

cheeeeeeeeeken macnugget,
my Mr BoyFriend is MISSING.
i think im gonna file a police report.
no, on second thoughts.
Mr BoyFriend, stay missing.
then i'll be entittled to sweet nothings.

BIG FAT POLKA DOTTED COW,
you haven't said your
good nights sweet dreams and iloveyous
for like how many days already lah.
you make me go craaaazy. =/

the only blinking light on msn
reads: I AM XIE ENQI.
and she's giving me ideas
on what to blog cos i said
i dont know what to blog about.
and then suddenly she made this
very smart sentence, i'll show you:
im so tired, brain freeezing, but i dont want waste time sleeping. LOLS
oh yes, enqi, i think you're tired.
and i miss you like black and white
stripped up and down crocodile.

my honey dont wanna pick up my call ):
and mummy and daddy's arguing again.
i got a bloody purplish family affairs.
uh uh, go back in right this minute!
you're not allowed to fall, you big bad tears.

# i miss you. so much.

I Like Being Sick

falling sick is good.
it's the only time,
when all the people around you,
who doesnt seem to care anymore,
starts to notices you,
and starts to care and bother.

i like being sick.
tho it fucking torturing.

When Eveything Comes Crashing Down

when i needed someone to be there for me,
when i needed someone i could talk to,
when i needed to vent my frustrations out,
when i needed you, honey.

you find me unreasonable,
you think im stubborn,
you say i dont wanna confide in you.

you'll never know,
what's going on in my heart.
when everything else goes wrong,
you're the very first person
that my confused mind will think of.

i called you, and you were busy.
i waited for your call, and you never called.
when you called, that desire to vent,
it already distinguished. gone away.

because i know i can whine to you,
because i know i can vent on you,
because i dont want you to be worried.

and because of some boy, kid or whatever,
you decided to walk out on me.
left me alone with no one to turn to.

where's trust?
where's iloveyou?
where's understanding?

daddy dont want me anymore,
mummy refuses to come home,
and you walk out on me just like that.
you ever thought how i would feel?
only saying you're always like that.
then off you go, no goodbyes.

this is when everything comes crashing down,
and i have no more tears to shed anymore.
right now, i. feel. scared. i dont know why.
this lonesome feeling just aint going away.

oh God, why aint you helping me yet?

you know what?
i hate daddy.
i hate this man.

God Sent Me Angels.

when i needed someone to vent on,
when i needed someone to talk to.
while im feeling all down and rotten,
God sent me His angels to make me smile.

oh yes, i was so wrong.
tho i knew it all along,
i just went with it all the while.
thinking that God has forsaken me.
and inside me, i know that it's not true.

so clarence talked to me,
so eunice came and let me vent,
so enqi stood right beside me, as she always did.
God sent His angels to make me feel good.
God sent His angels to make me remember,
that He has always been here with me. always.

and so, clarence asked me to
flip my precious moment bible.
and said maybe i'll know what to do.
and that God has plans for everyone.
so i did as he has said, i took my bible,
and i flipped it, and i smiled.

"since you were precious in my sight, you have been honoured. and i have loved you; therefore i will give men for you, and people for your life" isaiah 43:4

and this just so happens to be the
bible verse for ConCamp06.
i so believe that God will bring us out.
i turn to God, and i pray so hard.

dear Lord,
please help us.
i pray to you.
amen.

Oh My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

it's been ages since i last felt like this.
and i so hope, this feeling will go away soon.

i couldnt figure out why i cried at jack's.
i couldnt figure out why i felt so emo,
while talking to Rebecca on the second night.

but now, i know why.
there's this certain someone in my life,
who's so useless and irresponsible.
and he disappoints me so so much.

so much for being the man i love most.
so much for being the one who doted on me most.
so much for being a responsible person.
so much for loving the family.

this certain someone just came back
only a few days ago, and i only saw him once.
and today, he's somewhere out there,
gone missing again.

and if he has so much money to
fly about and smoke and drink and play around,
why dont he just clear his debts and pay his bills?
instead of giving and spending it on some China girl.

oh, did i tell you how much i hate China women?
they are nothing but sluts who go around
trying to break families up and hurt people.
and i will put them so low down under my feet.
i despise them, and i think they are so pathetic.
simply a disgrace and shame of all nations.

oh yes, just when i was feeling so emo,
i picked up my phone and called Jack.
so i asked if he was free, and he said not really.
so i hung up and started writing.
then i had this thought,
heh, so much for always being here for me.

not to forget, i happened to pray and asked God
for help on this particular matter just two days ago.
but nothing ever changes cos it's happening again.
so i had this thought again,
heh, so much for favouring this child ya.

i feel burdened with loads that dont belong to me.
and i dont like this feeling at all.
it's no wonder i cry and feel like wtfish is wrong.

no, God aint helping me, least i dont think He is.
and yes, i do feel like an outcast Adam.
and of cos, i've been pondering why,
why do things like this happen to me all the time?
and if these shits keeps on coming,
how will i, when will i, be able to let go of my baggages?
how can i serve God with all my heart and soul,
without putting this baggages in His everlasting arms?

i dont want to feel like God's forsaken me.
i dont need a reason to be angy with God.
i dont want to be angry with Him at all.

and thank you BLOGGER,
you always been there when i need to vent.

Short and Sweet =)

For all these days, with you by my side ((:


For all the times, you held me tight.


and for all the times, God stood by me.

# believe me, believe me.

With Our Hands Lifted High

Con Camp 06 was great!
tho i had to cast my fears aside,
and muster up all the confidence
i have in my Oh So Good Daddy God.
and to spread the love of God,
to GENTLENESS.

and i hoped that i had been a good Fac.
cos afterall, its my first time,
and my CoFac had urgent matters.
so i had the whole group to myself.
was so super scared i couldnt handle
the group well, they're not opening up.
not sharing, not talking and so selfcentered.

oh yes, i must thank everyone.
Janice
Clarence
Joan
Rachel
Mark
Vincent
Gerrad
for being such sweet participants.
and making my first facil try such a plesant one.

oh oh oh, how can i forget
the people who supported me.
pris
rebecca
vivian
melissa
greg
benn
val
jeremy tan
charles
larris
kenji
antonia
flo
kevin
sury
jem.subra
shawn
sarah.p
sarah.jane
patricia gacad
and so many more people!

Melissa made my first ministering
a super duper good one.
honsetly arh mel, i was so scared lah.
but with God, all things are possible! =)

oh man, i got so many things to say,
but everythings so congested up there.
i dont know where to start.

all i know is that,
i so miss jack.

anyOhows,
after reading the fuzzy wuzzys,
i found that good feeling in my heart.
i managed to touch hearts and
spread God's love.
managed to open their hearts to Papa God.
im a good fac cos God made me to be one.

oh yes! i truly thank God,
for every happy moments in my life.
especially when jack's beside me.
because i know what's precious and pretty,
is now carved deep down in my humble heart.

the worship songs are stuck in my head,
even as i ran just now, the songs were playing.
oh yes, the 10km was good.
the holy spirit was there. in every step i took.

so next year, i've decided to join jon jon.
in the Osim Tri, the Sheares Bridge and
of cos standard chartered half marathon (:

i'll sing to you, Lord, a hymn of Love.
For your Faithfullness to me.
i'm carried in everlasting arm,
you will never let me go.


# til death do us part((: