After 20 months;

It looks like my little pudding's time is almost up. ): 

I came home after 2 days at Jack's, and little dugong was just lying in a corner with his eyes shut and a little red. I thought he was sleeping, like every other time. So I blew at him and tried to tempt him with food. Still, he laid there, lifeless, just breathing. I nudged him, and he didn't retaliate or move at all really.

I dropped his favorite grape right beside him, he sniffed it but didn't move to reach it. As I type these words, he's just lying in a corner, breathing lifelessly. I've covered him in blankets of tissue in hope that it will give him warmth and comfort. I've read online that some hamsters do linger when they are going. I just hope it isn't long, or I'll have to bring him to a vet to put him to sleep.

20 months is equivalent to 80 human years.

I'm terribly bad with death, I don't know how to handle it, I don't know what to feel, I can only cry. I wish Jack is here with me, and when dugong goes to hamster heaven. I feel so helpless seeing dugong lying there. I dare not touch him, much less lift him up in my hands to give him warmth. I don't know how I'm going to transfer him to a transport unit so I can bring him to a vet. I don't know how I am going to lift him up to bury him if he goes away. I don't know where to bury him.

I don't know what to do, really. =/