1 week's worth of break

COMs blog, visit and comment when you have nothing to do, kay?

So here's what's gonna happen.

Monday, which is now, today, xian zai:

✖ Prep work for the 1000 word essay
✖



Lost motivation to blog. Kthxbye.

He's always better.

So I've completed my first COMsBlog entry. I thought I did really well, I thought I expressed my views and I thought I thought about every aspect. Until Jack commented on my entry...

He always manages to see the big picture, always able to link it to the more pressing issue. While I am always stuck on one level, sometimes I get lucky and get to 2 levels of analysis by chance. I always knew that Jack's really good in his writing, he has this ability to make everything sound so convincing through his writing, even though he's really just making things up. It's the way he writes.

I can still remember how he managed to pass GP with only 2 paragraphs written, and how he is always the only few who managed to pass GP when we were in the first year of school. I'm always stumped by his works, even though I know what to expect from him. I wished I had his ability.

The only subjects I was better at than he was, back in school was Math and Literature. For one, he can't do Math for even if his life depended on it. I would try to teach him, but nothing works. He doesn't know how to solve anything. His Math is probably stuck at primary 5? But secretly, I was pretty happy that I'm finally better at something compared to him. Hurhur. And as for Literature, I don't know why but he never seem to read past the literal words in the poems and the texts. Hence, he never could analyze anything. Not even if his life depended on it too. But he came around, and started to write nonsense again, and managed to pass Literature at A's. How I know its nonsense? Because he never read, understood, knew what the texts were about. He never got to deciphering a poem.

Leave me your writing skills when you leave for Bristol kay, Jack?

Luckiest Girl on Earth

ARM PORN AND EYE FUCKING. 

I think I just died and came back.

ESL407

Stuck, for the longest time.

3rd day of school

There's this crazy weight upon my shoulders, like the entire universe is banking on me to succeed, the realization that this is probably my last shot, I have this insane need to not screw up this time, to not throw this chance away, to not fail this time, to prove I can be better than your sons and daughters, that I can do it when I set my mind to it. I need to prove to them, and more importantly I need to prove to myself. This is all killing me. :(

I don't show my insecurities, instead I act like a wild girl who doesn't give a fuck about anything. I'm cool. So now, everyone thinks that I'm this crazy girl who don't give two hoots, everything I do seems like a joke to them, everything I attempt is out of fun to them, but no one really knows how fucking bad I want this.

Honestly, this is what I am lately. I'm not happy, really. Well, yeah when I laugh, that's genuine. Doesn't mean I'm happy, right? I think I'm going through this phrase whereby I know I screwed up way too many times. Taking everything for granted, like fuck yes I deserved it. But really, I should have been thankful that I still have chances.

Here's what we would sound like;

Chance: Hi, I'm here. Grab me and go be famous.

Me: Lol, are you serious? Fuck off.

Chance: Hey, remember me? I'm back, come with me, we'll earn big bucks together.

Me: What shit? Fuck off.

Chance: K, I'm still here. Do whatever you want with me.

Me: *kicks him in the fucking butt and roflmao-ed.

Chanc... ah, you should have gotten an idea of what our relationship was like. *shrugs.

When I knew I couldn't leave for Queensland, I was devastated. I keep wondering why they didn't think I deserved that shot, why is my education not worth their investment, why the fuck are they scrimping on their girl. Then I realised it was because I didn't give them anything to believe in. Everything was a game to me, why so serious? Right? No. Because if I'm not serious this time, I'm done for.

Communications, is it really the right major for me? Can I really pull it off, and excel? I feel insanely stressed, like choking damn bad stress. I think I cry secretly, but I didn't let me know.

I think I should just head to bed now.

The Beginning.

So, today was my first day back at school. It was all good until we had to write something for ESL407. That's gotta be my first essay in the last 12/13 months? My head was totally blocked for a good 5, 10 minutes. All the brain juice trying to fish out whatever information that was left behind from MI. It was like every little vessel was rushing out a puny door and everyone got stuck. Then, little by little (Oasis started playing at the back of my head, lol) pieces of information came back. Strong intro, point, example, explanation, point, example, explanation, BIG BANG ending. Sadly, there wasn't enough time, just when my engine started roaring, the race has ended. Ah wells, better luck next time!

I'm dead beat, but my head is still thinking about what bag I'd bring, what top I'd wear, and with what bottoms, what accessories I should put on and what footwear should I put on. Maybe I should just go to school in top, shorts, slippers. But then again, top, shorts and slippers are lame. They should just have uniforms. oafhq@##@$@28oegdfnkvxc.

Tumblr

45 things a girl wants for but wont ask for.

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her. 
3. Share secrets with her. 
4. Give her your jacket. 
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this? 
6. Hug her. 
7. Hold her. 
8. Laugh with her. 
9. Invite her somewhere. 
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING .. 
11. Smile with her. 
12. Take pictures with her. 
13. Pull her onto your lap. 
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back. 
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone? 
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her. 
17. Kiss her unexpectedly. 
18. Hug her from behind around the waist. 
19. Tell her she’s beautiful. 
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it. 
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman. 
22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it. 
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.

24. Make her feel loved. 
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US .. 
26. Don’t lie to her. 
27. DON’T cheat on her. 
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants. 
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her. 
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT. 
31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too. 
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her. 
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her). 
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.

35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT .. 
36. When people diss her, stand up for her. 
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her. 
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you. 
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand. 
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED. 
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams. 
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears. 
43. Take her for long walks at night. 
44. Always remind her how much you love her. 
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her.

You’ll never know when she needs just a little more love.

The Book of Tomorrow

"I was watching a bluebottle yesterday. In an effort to escape the living room, he kept flying against the window, hitting his head against the glass over and over. Then he stopped launching himself at it like a missile and stuck to one little windowpane, buzzing about like he was having a panic attack. It was frustrating to watch, especially because if he'd just flown up a little bit higher towards the top of the window, he'd have been free. But he just kept doing the same thing over and over again. I could imagine his frustration of being able to see the trees, the flowers, the sky, yet not being able to get to them. I tried to help him a few times, to guide him towards the open window, but he flew away from me around the room. He'd eventually come back to the same window and I could almost hear him: 'Well, this is the way I came in...'

I wonder if my watching him from the chair is what it's like to be God, if there's a God. He sits back and sees the big picture, just as I could see that if the bluebottle moved up the window to the top, then he'd be free. He wasn't really trapped at all, he was just looking in the wrong place."

-Cecelia Ahern

Kinship.

I love my grandparents and cousins, to death. :)

When was the last time you spent time with your T.V?

Damn right.

I don't think I spend a lot of time in front of the t.v anymore. The last time was probably when the internet connection was screwy. I feel like my 46 inches flat screen T.V, is a waste of money. I don't even know if it is plasma or whatever the other option is. I get my daily dose of dramas online. (Comments asking where will be ignored, lol.)

I used to be quite an addict of Singapore productions, until I was introduced to the US tv. The stark contrast made me realised that Singapore productions are a far-cry from what the States have to offer. What do I watch you may ask, here's my current list:

• Gossip Girl
• How I Met Your Mother
• The Big Bang Theory
• 90210
• The Vampire Diaries
• Nikita

The shows have to have really bitchy storyline, crazy hot actors/actresses with a insanely charming characters, or they just have to really funny. I could go on and on and then sidetrack but I'd much rather tell you about my mother.

So, there are more interesting TV out there, say Starhub TV and MIO TV which airs HongKong dramas, US TV and whatever else they have. Unfortunately, subscription fees apply. And for those who knows where they may get it for no costs at all are reluctant to subscribe to these medias. My mom is one such person. She gets her dramas from Tudou and Video4asians. I can't help but to think that the latter is some pornography site every time I mention it. Lol.

Youtube totally killed the television. I'm a Youtube addict, I spend most of my free time on Youtube. You probably spend a substantial amount of time on Youtube too. Tutorials are widely available there, cooking, doing up your hair, your makeup, dismantling your phone, how to use Photoshop, paper origamis, kissing, flirting, you name it.

Who needs the TV anymore? :/

♥

Buffalo

Hi there, I guess this is you and me. ❤

Orientation was awesome, OGmates are awesome, OGLs are ahmazinggg. School starts on Monday and I have a bad throat. Kthxbye.

This marks the end of my frivolous year.

So this is real. School's starting. Orientation is tomorrow. My year has ended. Now everything starts again.

This is also the first time in 4 years that I'm going to school without Jack. I have been pretty psyched about going back to school for the last few months. I even bought pens and markers and files and paper and pencil boxes - I have 2 large pencil cases because I had too many pens and markers, they won't fit into one nicely.

But recently, I have been loathing the 11th of January. With school starting, that means I can't sleep late, I can't do nothing in the day, I can't decide to meet Jack on his sudden nights out, I can't sleep the day away anymore. It feels like someone snatched away my freedom to do things like these. Probably the future me who will not be satisfied to just make ends meet.

How does it feel to have to choose what clothes to wear to school before sleeping everyday? All I had to do in the past was to just put on my uniform and scoot off to school. And, what is it like to have to start school all over again, with no friends on the first day? I forgot how that feels like.

So this is where I start, on my own. Without Jack by my side. And this is just the beginning. There's still UK.

5 years ago.

This was me, 5 years ago. 2006, year 1, Toh Tuck campus.

This is me, 5 years later. Rounded and fairer.

Good change?

Skinnier would be better though. LOL.

Out of the norm

I haven't done a lot in 2010, honestly. Some would say I've wasted 2010 doing nothing. Here's what happened:

Got a job, quit a job, got a job, quit a job. Ironically, job referred to the only job I had.

Stayed at Jack's, stayed at home, stayed at Jack's, stayed at home. I lived for the weekends.

Turned 21, and flew to Hong Kong the next day. No big ass party nor made a fuss about it.

6th Grandaunt passed away, was more devastating than I thought it would be to me.

Christmas was less than extravagant, looks like the spirit of Christmas dwindles every year.

So,

3rd day of the new year, my pudding passed on.

Dug a grave and buried a carcass and cried.

Other times I would tell you "Why make resolutions when you can't keep them?" This time, I'm making them, and keeping them. It could be because I'm 21 going on 22, it's time to make a good impression and stick to it. Maybe this epiphany struck a tad too late. At least I'm trying to do some shit. So bite me.

✔ I am going to be a nerd and do well in school.

✔ I am going to torture myself and shed the extra flesh.

✔ I am going to start saving substantial amount of money.

✔ I am not going to commit to anymore pets until I learn to let go.

And I pray that 2011 will not let me down, nor will I.

Our little pudding,

we'll miss you pudding.

Thank you for bringing so much joy and smiles to us. You'll always be in our hearts.

I love you.

I hope there's lots of ikan bilis and sweet treats in hamster heaven.

After 20 months;

It looks like my little pudding's time is almost up. ): 

I came home after 2 days at Jack's, and little dugong was just lying in a corner with his eyes shut and a little red. I thought he was sleeping, like every other time. So I blew at him and tried to tempt him with food. Still, he laid there, lifeless, just breathing. I nudged him, and he didn't retaliate or move at all really.

I dropped his favorite grape right beside him, he sniffed it but didn't move to reach it. As I type these words, he's just lying in a corner, breathing lifelessly. I've covered him in blankets of tissue in hope that it will give him warmth and comfort. I've read online that some hamsters do linger when they are going. I just hope it isn't long, or I'll have to bring him to a vet to put him to sleep.

20 months is equivalent to 80 human years.

I'm terribly bad with death, I don't know how to handle it, I don't know what to feel, I can only cry. I wish Jack is here with me, and when dugong goes to hamster heaven. I feel so helpless seeing dugong lying there. I dare not touch him, much less lift him up in my hands to give him warmth. I don't know how I'm going to transfer him to a transport unit so I can bring him to a vet. I don't know how I am going to lift him up to bury him if he goes away. I don't know where to bury him.

I don't know what to do, really. =/