it's funny how typical relationships can be, when you thought you were the only one having to overcome such pain, there are directors filming your love life. after watching all 50 episodes, it kind of brought back painful memories. memories which haunted me for nearly a year or so, almost similar story line, but totally different plot.
it reminded me of what a bastard he was, how he used to love me so much so that he'd give his life for me. how he'd make me smile when i frown, how he'd piss me off with small lil things. most importantly, i realise, i wasnt silly, waiting for him that whole year. i, did it willingly. and if i had a choice to choose to be with him again, i'd do the same thing, feel the same way, cry the same tears.
relationships that you thought ended, lingers. and, ended up hurting more people than ever imagined. i must admit, i cried when each significant scene was shown, my mind uncontrollably reminded me of the memories that were locked in a vault, kept deep down inside.
to be honest, the show reminded me of what benn and i shared. i could almost relate to the show, like i was almost part of it. i must agree, that one can never forget how another made them feel. the love, the hate, the wait, the blessings we gave. i'm sure if benn should happen to read this entry, he'll agree, what we shared was one that we'll never forget. one that can never be replaced. one that is part of our memory, our history.
and before the love of my life feels sour-ness in the heart that belongs to me, i'd want him to know that this memory, is also an experience that i'll never have to go through again. and i want thank benn, for teaching me how to cherish, to give in, to understand, to love, to tolerate, and to compromise. if not for all these painful lessons, jack and i wouldnt have come so far.
to make this entry sappy and all,
i'd want you to know, that i've decided on who to spend the rest of my life with, and i am willing to give my life up for yours if there should be a need to, i want to watch you sleep, and wake up to see your face. and i so need you in my life, that you've unknowingly become a part of me. there are too much words i ned you to hear, so much that it's so difficult to put it in words. and these words, you'd prolly know it before i say it. because i know, you feel me, and likewise. i trust you'll stay with me, and never leave. i trust you'll love me, so deep like the oceans. i entrust to you my life, my whole heart. and
hunny, iloveyou. i really do.
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