That was my belaaaated 19th from the girls! :D
You should have seen how evil they were,
their faces smiling away when i got creamed!
But still, i love them <3
Yes, I look very unglam because the cream made my hair all sticky and smelly! >:(
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Belaaaated 19th (:
Yes, I look very unglam because the cream made my hair all sticky and smelly! >:(
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Blogger sucks
Since Blogger has no outlet for me to submit my complains to, I'll complain about Blogger on Blogger.
Blogger have no rights to disable my MMC, because they have no evidence and they assume that MMC is a spam blog. Since your stupid system is so incompetent, then don't implement it until you have perfect it. And Blogger is being such asses, refused to provide any outlet for complaints about the service that Blogger is offering.
I'm not asking you to boycott Blogger because of the evidently disgusting and lousy services that it promised to offer. But I'm just saying that even Xanga is better than Blogspot this time. I'm also saying that you could move to another Bloghost, since Blogger is frequently experiencing technical problems that other bloghosts are free of.
Heres the reason Blogger had for disabling my MMC:
Your blog is disabled Blogger's spam-prevention robots(so now this stupid robot is smarter than the people who implemented this system full of flaws) have detected that your blog has characteristics of a spam blog. (What's a spam blog?) Since you're an actual person reading this, your blog is probably(assuming) not a spam blog. Automated spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and we sincerely apologize for this false positive(BULLSHIT). You won't be able to access your blog until one of our humans reviews it and verifies that it is not a spam blog(Bloody lousy service). Please fill out the form below to get a review. We'll take a look at your blog and restore it in less than a business day. If we don't hear from you within the next 20 days, your blog will be permanently deleted. Find out more about how Blogger is fighting spam blogs.
And yes, I do hope that any moderator or person in charge of Blogger will come across this entry. Because this is apparently the next best alternative of reminding Blogger of the lousy service it brings, as Blogger has been so smart to not provide any contact except their complaint form; which does not include any checkbox saying:
□ Blogger provides lousy service.
□ Blogger is incompetent.
□ Blogger passes sweeping statements.
□ Blogger has no basic judging abilities.
□ Blogger's Spam-Prevention Robots are unproductive.
□ Spam-Prevention Robots are smarter than Blogger.
Oh oh, neither did they state that:
□ Help buttons on this website http://help.blogger.com/bin/ does not work.
Fuck you blogger. zz.
Blogger have no rights to disable my MMC, because they have no evidence and they assume that MMC is a spam blog. Since your stupid system is so incompetent, then don't implement it until you have perfect it. And Blogger is being such asses, refused to provide any outlet for complaints about the service that Blogger is offering.
I'm not asking you to boycott Blogger because of the evidently disgusting and lousy services that it promised to offer. But I'm just saying that even Xanga is better than Blogspot this time. I'm also saying that you could move to another Bloghost, since Blogger is frequently experiencing technical problems that other bloghosts are free of.
Heres the reason Blogger had for disabling my MMC:
Your blog is disabled Blogger's spam-prevention robots(so now this stupid robot is smarter than the people who implemented this system full of flaws) have detected that your blog has characteristics of a spam blog. (What's a spam blog?) Since you're an actual person reading this, your blog is probably(assuming) not a spam blog. Automated spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and we sincerely apologize for this false positive(BULLSHIT). You won't be able to access your blog until one of our humans reviews it and verifies that it is not a spam blog(Bloody lousy service). Please fill out the form below to get a review. We'll take a look at your blog and restore it in less than a business day. If we don't hear from you within the next 20 days, your blog will be permanently deleted. Find out more about how Blogger is fighting spam blogs.
And yes, I do hope that any moderator or person in charge of Blogger will come across this entry. Because this is apparently the next best alternative of reminding Blogger of the lousy service it brings, as Blogger has been so smart to not provide any contact except their complaint form; which does not include any checkbox saying:
□ Blogger provides lousy service.
□ Blogger is incompetent.
□ Blogger passes sweeping statements.
□ Blogger has no basic judging abilities.
□ Blogger's Spam-Prevention Robots are unproductive.
□ Spam-Prevention Robots are smarter than Blogger.
Oh oh, neither did they state that:
□ Help buttons on this website http://help.blogger.com/bin/ does not work.
Fuck you blogger. zz.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Teenagers these days
Let's start by talking about my brother.
It's 4:17AM now, and he just came home. With half a dozen of Heineken, if that's how you'd spell it. He's only 16 this year, mind you. Of late, he's been coming back home at such unearthly hours, my mom's utterly upset and given up completely (maybe not yet) on him. But she's just getting that minimal assurance that at least he comes home.
He's spending money as though my dad owns the MAS, or something. Yet my mom still worries about him not having enough to spend, or to eat, told me repeatedly to transfer $20 to him just this afternoon. Well, he climbs school's gate, shouted at his principal, ran away from school and whatnot. Oh, yes he should be under probation from the police soon. He smokes and drinks and plays pool, with this bunch of, I'd call them the good-for-nothing friends.
Now now, that reminds me of Boyfriend's sister. Similar, but not the same. But still similar, along those lines of a rebelling teenager. Fights, cigarettes, alcohols, and of cos, that bunch of society's disgrace whom they call good friends. This further triggers my memory, and reminded me of Donkey's brother. Similarly, of that same calibre, not going to school, rebels elders, fights, and making people worried.
When i take a trip down memory lane, I do not remember myself being rebellious to such extent of our siblings today. I've done the worst, or so i thought. Push this kid down the stairs, shouted and threatened my Math teacher, getting into bitch fights and such. But I've never abused alcohol, I've never touched cigarettes, I've aboded by school rules (breaking a few but not at the expense of my reputation at school) I've made friends with the worst of society's disgrace, but I've never acted like they did, I've always stood to what I believe even though I do as i like.
Looking at my friends, I realised none of them are like any of our siblings. This really set me thinking, is it because of this crazy society we live in today? The over commercialised society, and what capitalism did to the younger generations? I'm just bewildered by how our siblings are so much different from us, despite the 3 or 4 years age gap in between. If our siblings are like this, if these is a trend, and if this is gonna get worst generation by generation, i dare not imagine how our kids will be like. I dare not imagine, at all.
Okay I'm going to bed now. Ta-ta!
P/S This, I reckoned, could be a globalised behavior amongst teenager of the 21st century.
It's 4:17AM now, and he just came home. With half a dozen of Heineken, if that's how you'd spell it. He's only 16 this year, mind you. Of late, he's been coming back home at such unearthly hours, my mom's utterly upset and given up completely (maybe not yet) on him. But she's just getting that minimal assurance that at least he comes home.
He's spending money as though my dad owns the MAS, or something. Yet my mom still worries about him not having enough to spend, or to eat, told me repeatedly to transfer $20 to him just this afternoon. Well, he climbs school's gate, shouted at his principal, ran away from school and whatnot. Oh, yes he should be under probation from the police soon. He smokes and drinks and plays pool, with this bunch of, I'd call them the good-for-nothing friends.
Now now, that reminds me of Boyfriend's sister. Similar, but not the same. But still similar, along those lines of a rebelling teenager. Fights, cigarettes, alcohols, and of cos, that bunch of society's disgrace whom they call good friends. This further triggers my memory, and reminded me of Donkey's brother. Similarly, of that same calibre, not going to school, rebels elders, fights, and making people worried.
When i take a trip down memory lane, I do not remember myself being rebellious to such extent of our siblings today. I've done the worst, or so i thought. Push this kid down the stairs, shouted and threatened my Math teacher, getting into bitch fights and such. But I've never abused alcohol, I've never touched cigarettes, I've aboded by school rules (breaking a few but not at the expense of my reputation at school) I've made friends with the worst of society's disgrace, but I've never acted like they did, I've always stood to what I believe even though I do as i like.
Looking at my friends, I realised none of them are like any of our siblings. This really set me thinking, is it because of this crazy society we live in today? The over commercialised society, and what capitalism did to the younger generations? I'm just bewildered by how our siblings are so much different from us, despite the 3 or 4 years age gap in between. If our siblings are like this, if these is a trend, and if this is gonna get worst generation by generation, i dare not imagine how our kids will be like. I dare not imagine, at all.
Okay I'm going to bed now. Ta-ta!
P/S This, I reckoned, could be a globalised behavior amongst teenager of the 21st century.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
polaroidlovess <3
Can you tell how much I'm loving my camera? :D& the Boyfriend of cos. <33
&& the girls who bought me this <333
Hello, I have issues and I have to make it known:
First and foremost, I really cannot believe that there'd be anyone who blogs their entire day in their posts. I mean, who the hell is interested in reading about whatever happened? And what's up with those long continuous chunk of rubbish? Didn't your teachers teach you to give paragraph to every new idea? And, oh. my. gosh. Y'all cant spell properly. I don't know why i am so bothered by those stupid twit word forms that's coined by themselves, I think, it's just plain stupid. Gahh.
Well secondly, I don't understand why blog shop owners are so particular about people tagging their advertisements twice or even three times. Com'on, tag boards are non-rivalry in consumption. But, I can't really blame them for being so anal about it, after all they are 15 year old kids, trying desperately to earn some cigarette money, not forgetting those money that they use to buy hoodies, skinnies and hair extensions.
Lastly, I know sometimes when you are really tight on cash, you have to source for all the cheapest items you can get. But coming to us and tell us that other blog shops are selling it for this price and that price will not make me lower my price for you, stupid. No haggling like you're at some market place. All I'll have to say to you is: Go buy from them then.
Okay, it's 5.49AM and I've managed to survive until now without any migraine acting up. I wonder if Boyfriend is on the way home already. Cycling Trips for Boyfriend = Severe Migraine for Girlfriend. Now now, I've decided to revive this ancient space. But I doubt anyone comes here anymore, duh, I've changed url, again. Roflmao. Okay Bye.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Instant Happyness (:
Okay, i always thought that Polaroids are waaay cooler than anything else. But damn Polaroids because they have stopped producing films for their cameras already. And i really hearts the One Step Polaroid, with the streak of rainbow at the front. Grr, but anyways, Boyfwen conspired with the VBGirls and schemed a belated birthday celebration for me, and well, cassie. Oh and look what they got me:
TADA! so nice right. hurhur, i loveee!
okay goodnight bahbye
Friday, September 19, 2008
Updates?
Whee, we're poster girls now. But wth is a AGO? -.-Swimming with Boo on Friday(tmr)- Baby's Hockey Match on Saturday
Tuffeb Meeting on SaturdayGrandma's on SundayShoot with Jace on MondayFun trip with Slivita on Tuesday- Fuck school starts thereafter. zzz.
Byebye.
P/S Sometimes, the really least expected just happens, in your face. :(
Friday, September 12, 2008
I'm a survivor
Hello, thatredumbrella's opened again! But am thinking of a new url, don't like umbrellas anymore [don't even think about ponchos, Slivita].
Promos are almost over, with only 2 more papers to go and my soul will be liberated. There're so many things that I look forward to after Promos. Maybe I should list them out, okay so here it goes:
- Buy an oven
- Baking of course!
- Buy Rhinestones for my Glads
- Tuffeb Shareholders Meeting
- Buy charms and whatnots for DIY jewellery
- Dedicate more time to moomoocoow.bs
Anyways, I've earned my first profits from MMC. And the paycheck goes to..
Volcom's Lucite up my life in Beige :)
Hun's bought himself quite a lot of things too, with his money of course. Tsk, MMC is not a Gold Mine yet. He bought jeans, tees, new phone and yadayada. Oh yes, my capitaland card is here, but mummy can't find the letter box key. How wonderful. Rawr.
Okay I'm off to watch my drama serial. I can't wait for Heroes Season 3 to be released, it's taking FOREVER. Oh yes, do visit http://www.moomoocoow.blogspot.com/ if you need a backpack. (:
Yes, so you need one. Now.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
starvation is here
Hello,
Baby and I have decided to starve for the next 7 months, so as to buy me a laptop. So i guess it'll be lesser of buffets, lesser of the occasional shopping for us now. :(
Plus, the coming Sitex and the next PC and IT shows. I hope we'll take less than 7 months to get my laptop. :(
Let's hope that it'll be worth the while.
P.S bloody hell, I need toretake the fucking BTT.
<3s,
Nicole :))
Baby and I have decided to starve for the next 7 months, so as to buy me a laptop. So i guess it'll be lesser of buffets, lesser of the occasional shopping for us now. :(
Plus, the coming Sitex and the next PC and IT shows. I hope we'll take less than 7 months to get my laptop. :(
Let's hope that it'll be worth the while.
P.S bloody hell, I need to
<3s,
Nicole :))
Saturday, August 23, 2008
colourful sweet peas :)
(Picture credits to allnthistogethr :D)
Have i told you that David Cook has the most wonderful voice?
The songs he sang are all so fantabulous. Every song okay, every single song!
I can't wait for his album to be released, then I can download buy it!
Always be my baby is so perfect, Music of the night is just splendid, aww, great.
I'd run away with David Cook, listen to him sing all day, on a deserted island.
Okay, I'm done with the obssession.
Baby and I have no where to go today, and this feeling sucks.
We're thinking of going to my Gramps today instead,
cos Baby has a big match tmr and cannot make it to Gramps.
I like the way how each line is coloured differently.
It makes me happy reading it, I'm sure it made you happy too!
Oh yes, not forgetting how I'm in love with my colour pencils!
I'm so done with markers now, they run outta ink too soon! >:(
Dad'll be going over to Thailand some time next week, Cos Promos are like a stone throw away. Boo! :(
I'm still comtemplating if Baby and I should go too.
It'd be a great shopping and getaway trip I believe.
We'll see how mugging gets along before the trip nears.
You are not allowed to comment on the layout of this post.
Just because I said so, that means that you shut up. Lol.
I've got nothing more to say for now, will be back soon.
Goodbye. :D
Friday, August 22, 2008
rainbow (?)
I figured that today is not a day auspicious enough to create my fanciful blog post, hence this skimpy update.
Four designers of all time has gathered and discussed about establishing TuffÑ‘b™. Please watch this space for updates regarding their designer tees.
Nicey(lol) has requested for an update, but I have no idea what to update about. Shit, I think I've lost the vibe to blog. Maybe this space should close. Hmm.
Baby and I had this stupid fit just now. And now he's not talking to me. Oh wells, just as well.
Basket, I feel like watching Crayon Shin Chan, but I don't know where to watch it. Crunchyroll doesn't have it! >:(
And yes I think that this arrangement is so very cool, so stfu you.
I miss Mel, Greg and Benjy. and a whole lot of people, i hope they're doing well. (:
Okay, byebye.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Dilemma.
I'm thinking of going back to LJ permenantly, but then I cannot bear to shut this space. Maybe I won't blog here as often, then what's the use of this blog thereafter? Darn, I don't know what to do. Maybe I'd lock this space up, but that'll do a lot of trouble for YOU. Hmm..
P.S not forgetting about my secret place. Shh..
P.P.S I'm loving my mom's new HP laptop. Woots, I can't wait for mine! lol.
P.S not forgetting about my secret place. Shh..
P.P.S I'm loving my mom's new HP laptop. Woots, I can't wait for mine! lol.
Monday, August 04, 2008
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Sunday, August 03, 2008
to every planet and back, i love you.
I'd lie down beside you and watch as the time flies by. <3
Hun and I went to gramps this afternoon, made orange juice and drank it fresh. Remember the Marigold advert, the one about "any fresher, you'll have to peel itt yourself"? Our orange juice was super fresh and sweet, lovely.
And about half an hour later we cabbed to Defu Lane. For what? For seafood of course! I have pictures, but it's all pictures of half eaten, if not, empty plates. Because there was Brother and Cousin, they were like monsters on famine for the longest time.
(This portion is for Furball)
We had steamed fish, 3 eggs veggie, butter cheese crab, chicken stock crab, honey glazed pork ribs, cereal prawns, minced meat tofu. I think there was more, I cannot remember. :D
I only managed to take a picture of the Honey Glazed Pork Ribs, when it was served. The rest, was quickly devoured by the two monsters on famine.
I find it weird cos today's no special occassion, but we're eating good. :D Baby was guessing the total bill of our dinner. Dinner for 9 people, each crab was $32 plus the cost of the other dishes. He made it out to be about $200+, I thought it shouldn't be that much though. Anyways, it was Aunt Joanne and Uncle Gary's treat! :D
The mass of words below are just some rantings, you can ignore em' if you want. :)
After which, my aunt gave us 20 bucks to cab home from Defu Lane. So we decided to cab to Woodlands to drop Baby off first then head home. The journey from Defu Lane to Woodlands was $14, all was well until i realised that the cabbie uncle was circling around Sembawang/Yishun. It turned out that he went the wrong way. I calculated, he circled inside Sembawang/Yishun for about $10 of the meter fare. And then went all the way back to Hun's house that area. Then he finally firgured the way to my house. So we were on the normal route home, until he took a turn at Cooperation Road. I asked him, "uncle why you exit at Cooperation, St 91 is exit from Pioneer North". Obviously, he was trying his luck again. So by the time we reached my house, the meter fare was $33. The normal price from Woodlands to my house is supposedly to be $12 WITH 35% and the initial $2.80. He thought for a while and said, "aiyah, $28 lah." He gotta be kidding me right? All I said was "Actually it's $25." Handed him the money and got off the cab.
Stupid cabbie uncles, don't know the way say don't know luh. zzz.
Oh, I just finished eating durians. Daddy bought home two durians, yummy! :D
The thought of tomorrow being a Monday kills my cells. Omg, I haven't even done my Econs essays. Zzz. Can anyone please remind me why I'm starting to dread the coming of tomorrow?
On a much lighter note: 26 more days to our 2nd. <3
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Only six pictures
Okay, only six pictures. If you'd like to see more, please visit Cassie's or the Volleyballgirl's. Not alot, but because it's our shoot, we're entitled to all the 400+ pictures we took, and you don't! :D
Friday, August 01, 2008
Maybe I'm starting to understand.
Maybe I'm starting to understand.
Why the relationship between my mummy and me is so different from my friend's relationship with their mummy. Why Jack can joke around his mummy and not get scolded, why my girlfriends' can go shopping with their mummy and why their mummy understands them so damn well. Why my dad is never around, why I don't adore him like I used to anymore.
I came to a conclusion for my strained relationship with my parents. There are several factors actually.
Since mummy and daddy were really busy with their jobs, I remember living with my paternal grandparents, uncles and aunts ever since I was old enough to know what's happening around me. I'm always closer to my grandparents, I've prolly never really come into close contact with my parents or my baby brother then, since he's always at my maternal grandparents' side.
(and this is how the strained relationship between me and my maternal side came about. They all favoured brother since he's been spending half his life there, and half my life was spent at my paternal side, naturally they'd love me more than brother.)
Until when I was in K2, I was claimed back to stay with my parents and brother in our Jurong flat (in which I've spent my past 14 years and counting in.) But still, I'll always look forward to spend my whole holidays staying over at my gramp's. Every school holiday, without fail.
(Bedok Reservoir was where my childhood was shaped and formed. I still remember this friend whom I made from 2 floors on top of mine. He'd come over to my house and we would start playing pretend. Bedok Reservoir was also where I had my first chicken pocks and all the other weird, but special memories took place.)
For my mummy, she's always the one scolding and punishing brother and I since we were young. She's always the one disciplining us, making us kneel infront of the altar and at the corridor. She's forever seen equipped with the stupid cane in her hands, and she's always shouting and screaming. I never liked her, and very often than not, I'll keep thinking to myself if I could exchange mothers with my cousins and friends. I really hated her a whole lot, I hated her for not giving me freedom and trust and all the other things that a teenager would ask for.
And as for my dad, I've always have had a perfect picture of him in my head. He's always been the one protecting me from my mum's cannings and scoldings. Pampering me with everything he can give me, driving me to school and going overseas together. He's never raised his voice or hands at me, even when my report card's all red and bloody. He would go overseas for business trips and come back with presents, placing it beside my bed and when I wake up, I'll smile. All was good, until he quit his job and kept changing jobs. I didn't show any displease, cos afterall he's my dad, and maybe he has his difficulties. But on an unfateful day, I started to realise that he's constantly chatting with this China woman online, saying cheesy stuffs and flirting and all. I kept quiet all these time, until I can finally suppress no more. I shouted at him, and he slapped me. For the first time in my entire 18 years of life. I started ignoring him and pretending that he is non-exsistant.
My teenage years was spent in such a way that whenever the issue of parents arises, I was the first one to shun away from it. If I was forced to make a comment, tears would form in my eyes. Yes it was that hard, I refused to believe that that was all that we've become. I hated life. I questioned God.
Benjy helped me through this pharse in my life. He was God Sent, he knew every way possible to make me smile. He was the best gift i've ever recieved. Although it was short, but undeniably, he's walked me through that dark moment in my life. Those were the days I had when I was in Secondary 3 and 4.
Then came last year, everything had to repeat itself again. And I earnestly thank God for bestowing Jack upon me. Jack held tight my hands and carried me through the shittiest moments, and the roughest days. He was always there to make me feel at ease, and make me really happy like i used to be. I'll love Jack until I can love no more. (:
---
Just 2 hours earlier, I asked my mum if she can come down to the bus stop and fetch me upstairs. She asked me for a reason why I couldn't go up myself. And I told her that the volleygirls were sharing ghost stories just now and I'm afraid and paranoid. And she started shouting, then ask them to bring you up lah. So I immediately hung up, and at that moment, I wasn't scared anymore, I was more than sad. I thought I felt tears forming in my eyes, and it struck me to post an entry about this, so here it is.
After all these years, I'm just starting to understand what I could never have fathomed when I was younger. At the age of 19, I really envy people who can feel like friends when their with their parents. It's something that I will never be able to achieve, even if I've managed to make big bucks and gain fame and respect. I'll not have this as a part of my life, it's really near impossible. This is one of the many things money cannot buy. Kinship.
Good bye.
Why the relationship between my mummy and me is so different from my friend's relationship with their mummy. Why Jack can joke around his mummy and not get scolded, why my girlfriends' can go shopping with their mummy and why their mummy understands them so damn well. Why my dad is never around, why I don't adore him like I used to anymore.
I came to a conclusion for my strained relationship with my parents. There are several factors actually.
Since mummy and daddy were really busy with their jobs, I remember living with my paternal grandparents, uncles and aunts ever since I was old enough to know what's happening around me. I'm always closer to my grandparents, I've prolly never really come into close contact with my parents or my baby brother then, since he's always at my maternal grandparents' side.
(and this is how the strained relationship between me and my maternal side came about. They all favoured brother since he's been spending half his life there, and half my life was spent at my paternal side, naturally they'd love me more than brother.)
Until when I was in K2, I was claimed back to stay with my parents and brother in our Jurong flat (in which I've spent my past 14 years and counting in.) But still, I'll always look forward to spend my whole holidays staying over at my gramp's. Every school holiday, without fail.
(Bedok Reservoir was where my childhood was shaped and formed. I still remember this friend whom I made from 2 floors on top of mine. He'd come over to my house and we would start playing pretend. Bedok Reservoir was also where I had my first chicken pocks and all the other weird, but special memories took place.)
For my mummy, she's always the one scolding and punishing brother and I since we were young. She's always the one disciplining us, making us kneel infront of the altar and at the corridor. She's forever seen equipped with the stupid cane in her hands, and she's always shouting and screaming. I never liked her, and very often than not, I'll keep thinking to myself if I could exchange mothers with my cousins and friends. I really hated her a whole lot, I hated her for not giving me freedom and trust and all the other things that a teenager would ask for.
And as for my dad, I've always have had a perfect picture of him in my head. He's always been the one protecting me from my mum's cannings and scoldings. Pampering me with everything he can give me, driving me to school and going overseas together. He's never raised his voice or hands at me, even when my report card's all red and bloody. He would go overseas for business trips and come back with presents, placing it beside my bed and when I wake up, I'll smile. All was good, until he quit his job and kept changing jobs. I didn't show any displease, cos afterall he's my dad, and maybe he has his difficulties. But on an unfateful day, I started to realise that he's constantly chatting with this China woman online, saying cheesy stuffs and flirting and all. I kept quiet all these time, until I can finally suppress no more. I shouted at him, and he slapped me. For the first time in my entire 18 years of life. I started ignoring him and pretending that he is non-exsistant.
My teenage years was spent in such a way that whenever the issue of parents arises, I was the first one to shun away from it. If I was forced to make a comment, tears would form in my eyes. Yes it was that hard, I refused to believe that that was all that we've become. I hated life. I questioned God.
Benjy helped me through this pharse in my life. He was God Sent, he knew every way possible to make me smile. He was the best gift i've ever recieved. Although it was short, but undeniably, he's walked me through that dark moment in my life. Those were the days I had when I was in Secondary 3 and 4.
Then came last year, everything had to repeat itself again. And I earnestly thank God for bestowing Jack upon me. Jack held tight my hands and carried me through the shittiest moments, and the roughest days. He was always there to make me feel at ease, and make me really happy like i used to be. I'll love Jack until I can love no more. (:
---
Just 2 hours earlier, I asked my mum if she can come down to the bus stop and fetch me upstairs. She asked me for a reason why I couldn't go up myself. And I told her that the volleygirls were sharing ghost stories just now and I'm afraid and paranoid. And she started shouting, then ask them to bring you up lah. So I immediately hung up, and at that moment, I wasn't scared anymore, I was more than sad. I thought I felt tears forming in my eyes, and it struck me to post an entry about this, so here it is.
After all these years, I'm just starting to understand what I could never have fathomed when I was younger. At the age of 19, I really envy people who can feel like friends when their with their parents. It's something that I will never be able to achieve, even if I've managed to make big bucks and gain fame and respect. I'll not have this as a part of my life, it's really near impossible. This is one of the many things money cannot buy. Kinship.
Good bye.
*P.S I'm not emo, I'm not sad. I have Jack. :D
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