Big Girl

Jack and I just had a huge fight, over who we are, who we will become, and mostly A levels and further studies.

I can't help it if everything that I planned has us in it, that's because that's how I want my future to be, you and I, both. Don't blame me for weighing so much on US instead of myself, because every time I count my blessings, I count you twice. And because if my future doesn't have US, then why am I fighting so hard and holding on so tight onto us now?

The man I fell in love with isn't who he is anymore, and he's making me feel like I don't know how to continue wanting him. He's always wanting me to be independent, yes of course I can be independent, I have always been until I met him, I chose not to. Because sometimes, it just feels good to have someone to depend on, you know.

So stop asking me to go over myself first, stop asking me to do things on my own. Because I want to do it with you, because then everything feels right, and apt.

So he left me alone, crying on my bed, like always. And I'd used to pretend to think that he didn't go, that he'll walk back into my room and give me a hug and wipe my tears. But after so long, I've stopped hallucinating. I've stopped believing in the better man I thought he was. So I'm ranting, and tearing, like a crazy, childish girl and I'll feel better in a while so that I can start, although very reluctantly, to be independent once more. It's not gonna feel very right anymore, and I'm gonna need to get use to it. Things are gonna change.