heavy heart

With A divs impending, I really am determined to receive quality balls. But whenever i tell myself i must receive it properly, I tend to falter more. :( I suck at receiving balls, like totally. It makes me feel sad, and like a humongumous burden to the team. :( I know it, and I guess I should work doubly hard at spiking good balls to make it up. It's not like I'm good at it, but I'll give it my all. :/

With lousy results like mine, I ought to study harder and promptly hand in assignments. My mind keeps telling me to prepare for the battle, but my weak self surrenders all to distractions and whatnot. It's quite heart-wrenching, to know what I should do and what I am actually doing differs like polar poles. Maybe I should buy some discipline, can anyone tell me where I can get those? :/

Dad said when he gets back from Thailand, we'll be looking for houses in the East. He'll buy two cars, one for dad and mom, and one for me. He said, when he get back, we'll have better lives with more than enough money. If he meant what he said, I should be happy, shouldn't I? Jack and I assumed that he said the truth, and we talked about life after my family becomes rich. It wasn't very pleasant, it wasn't very happy. In fact, Jack and I teared. :/ Oh wells, if what he said is real, then we can decide again.

On a lighter note, Jack will be coming over to have dinner with me later. PMS broke up with Jack today, it made me sad. I don't like PMS, I hope she goes away soon. Its making me moody and very sad. So now I feel happy because Jack is coming over later. How exciting! I think we're town-ing tomorrow.

What a lenghty entry, I must have stood infront of the mirror too long. Generated so many reflections. Hmm. :/

You are my baby love, baby love.