somehow, i feel distant from all the people i used to know. school, competitions, camps and all other stuffs. this is weird, i've never felt like this before--i was given all the attention i want, but not anymore. it's okay, cos i didnt like those attention anyways. i just want, to be, closer to the bitches who were once like melted gummy bears. again.
i feel, very lethargic. i didnt go for YISS facil training, i dont think i intend to go for any faciling training or attending any camps any time soon. it's not that i dont want, but okay, maybe i dont feel like going. partly because i have project work and am afraid im not able to commit, and because i feel im not even ready myself, what more to facil other people.
honestly, i havent been doing a lot of things, but still i feel so drained out. i have no idea from what, but i am tired. my body's aching an i tear so easily. im beginning to loathe this life of mine, at least on my part. im really glad and blessed to have a 24 hour sweet and sugary boyfriend around my side, supporting and encouraging me all the time.
i know, there're a lot of things and people i should never have taken for granted. things like how inclined im towards math, people like jack always standing by me. all these little little insignificant things are what actually makes up my life. and to think im still taking them for granted, how unappreciative i can be ya. and damee, it's really easy to just say.
emotions are overwhelming, and sometimes after fights, i just sit and cry on my bed. my emotions are so paintaking, i feel numb all over. and sometimes, only sometimes i let asthma find me. and other times, i just take it outon myself, leaving ugly scars around. i know im silly, but i feel better this way. so i'll be like these, until i find some other better ways of relieving myself. scold me, hit me. i dont care. i maybe silly, i maybe dumb. but i know what i want.
and i want you to stay by me.
like today,
dinner with family and Jaaaack was there(:
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