sometimes, i try very hard to make sense of why other girls can shop and shop when i cant. and i try to understand that why i shouldnt do the same. although i get really frustrated sometimes because i think that it's not fair, cos afterall we're all girls of the same age and time. im just like any other girl, except that they have wealthier parents than me.
so i tell myself it's okay, i just have to save to get what i want. for me to get the same things as the other girls, i have to wait months after they have had it, before i can get mine. and i can get quite sad cos again, i dont think it's fair at all. i told myself on certain months, that i can go ahead and spend on what i like and what i feel like having. but i'll have to go easy on the food i eat and the places i go after spending. so i diet, and i deprive myself of fun which costs money. i try to enjoy the littlest things in life, prolly watching tv at home, or just sleep my days away.
the boyfriend just told me he spent 3000 bucks today, and i feel happy for him. cos he finally got what he wanted, although not exactly what he wanted. but simultaneously, i feel totally pathetic. cos i have to pay thru my pockets to get the exact same thing he got. i gotta perhaps save for 9 months before i can get what i want. that's as good as giving birth to an infant, and the funny thing is that the pain's almost there. i saved for 9 months, and then i would think. i went thru so much, just to save this 2000 odd plus bucks. would i even want to spend it all just like that on a lappy? what an irony eh?
on the lighter note, i learn to treasure the things i buy, cos i went thru so much to buy it. and i experienced the pain of saving and then to spend it all again. afterall, it's a vicious cycle so to speak. you save to spend. well, at least at my age. or maybe even only me and a few other poor girls.
so i keep telling myself, that i will make so much money when i grow up, i can buy whatever i want, whenever i feel like it. but every time i tell Jack this, he'll just laugh. mummy always tell me and nick, "money isn't everything, but without money, you're nothing." it's kinda realistic, but that's what kind of world we're living in. i would call it, the survival of the richest. if you think hard enough, everything has something to do with money. even what we learn in school, the direct ones will be principles of accounts, mathematics, and economics. the indirect ones will be the rest, preparing us for the working force. which, will in turn generate money for our livelihood. i dont know, that's how i feel. but how i feel will not make me money. heh, if only it could.
what are people without money?
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